things running through my mind.
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2003-07-01 03:55:53 (UTC)

ok i really dont get myself at..

ok i really dont get myself at all... seriously lets see
miek n has liked me i didnt like him at all... and then
eric vine liked me in the beging and i didnt like him at
all.Thne at bryans grad party i was hangin out wiht anthony
and most girls think hes sooo hott ans nice and i was just
a jerk to him.. cuz i was in a bad mood and now i really
regret not goin to the movies with him cuz i kinda wanna go
now it would have been fun and opened me up to new
things.Then downer liked me adn kinda still does and i am a
jerk to him too but then is not all my fault i mean just
cuz i dont always get them or im just not in the mood to
talk but hey! And then zach is very sweet adn nice to me
durin the year and always called me hott and nice and
pretty and hes funny!BUT for sum reason i like Ricky and
all he did was call me hott and nice and give me hugs
nuthin more then that... i mean look i hung out with
kimball guys the other night and they all thought i was
hott and 3 of them asked if i was seein anyone...but no im
not. I also have chris king whos a good friend but i cant
seem call and i dont kno y i mean wen im with other ppl or
i can call other ppl just not him y??? Ok so alot of ppl
think im hott and are nice to me... then y do i still like
ricky out of all them and hes the one taht i barely talk to
and wen i do its for like 5 minutes online and we never
make anykind of plans to hang out he just asks wen are we
gunna hang out..so i dunno y i still have feelin for him..
i really really dont and i really really dont wanna.. i
just want another man to come into my life taht will make
me forget bout him bcuz he really isnt ne thing specail and
hes not hott or cute either (O i really dont get me) At the
fireworks wen i talked to alot of the kimball guys they
thought i was hot.. and i just ignore them instead of tryin
to get to know them i dont kno y i do that either i dont
make ne sense!!! Neways erika is havin ppl and i cant
wait... i wanna go now i hate sittin at home cuz i get so
mad everytime my dad talks to me my whole body tightens and
i just wanna start yellin at him or hit him but i try
really hard not too and i dont think that for much longer
im gunnab able to keep playin it cool like that. Also i
always get in fights with my mom cuz she doesnt listen to
me or understand me so its really hard to communitcate with
sum1 like that..My sister uses the computer alot now and i
hate it. and i dont want her on that much also shethink i
dotn kno wut she talks bout with her friends she is NOT
good at sneakin at all and i red half of her convos
neways.. and i kno there is a guys who likes her who wants
to ask her out.. oooo... i dont care but she wont tell me
and shes startin problems over it and ..ahh! i hate it my
life just sucks and i need sumthing in it to make it
better.. and i kno i say i need a guys but i think truely
its just for say that i have a guy and that i really dont
need one and that its me wen i like sum one and they liek
me instead of gettin closer to the person i back away and
try to stay away from teh person cuz i no ill hurt them or
that ill get hurt cuz ppl always justjoke with me and i
dont kno how to deal with it.

~God im askin for sumkinda help im not sure wut but i kno i
need usmthing.. and i not sure just wat.. i mean i use to
daydream and try and sleeo my life away cuz i hated it so
much i mean i use to think of ppl in my past that i use to
kno and think bout how i want them back to talk to and that
i miss them alot cuz my life use to b alot better back
then... amen!
~get sum1 out of my head and open me up im ready!

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