ramblings of a madwoman
My-Diary.org seems to be down at the moment, so Im writing
a journal entry in Word right now. I know Ive neglected to
write lately, however, Ive been pretty damn busy. Id like
to take this time to give a warning that my entry today is
a rant. Though I dont mean to pinpoint people, Im sure
human nature being as self-centric as it is, some people
may take personal offense to what Im saying. Dont. Dont
write to me or phone me saying that youre pissed off at me
because I was talking about you. I probably wasnt.
On with the show.
Im annoyed, hurt and angry. I feel left right the fuck out
and only people who arent involved seem to care at all.
Ive drifted away from several friends I once thought were
very close, but have chosen to forget about me recently.
Im not sure why, as Ive always been available and rarin
to do pretty much anything. However, Im no longer
important to them. Though I have other friends, Im left
sore and confused by this. I feel ignored.
However, Im not willing to go the route of others that
crave attention and relief from their sufferings. While I
understand that some people are legitimately depressed or
unhappy, Ive been there too.
Ive been fat, hell, Im still fairly big now but Im not
going to become bulimic or anorexic because of it. Society
can blame the media, but really, an individual can step out
of their situation and say Hey, I really dont like my
body shape, but maybe I shouldnt stick my fingers down my
throat to puke my guts out Its all so easy. Should I be
discounted because Im not about to die from rotting out my
esophagus or from exercising for five hours in sweltering
Ive been depressed, stressed, angry, melancholy,
desperate But Ive never tried to kill myself. Does this
mean that I dont deserve attention because theres no
immediate threat from me to my own life?
Ive never resorted to self-mutilation, either. The few
scars on my body are accidental, not intentional. If you
hurt inside and hurting yourself outside makes the pain
inside dull, Ive a suggestion, aside from getting a
counselor. Theres something else that you can do to your
body to make yourself feel betterMasturbate! No telling
scars, and Im sure the endorphin high is better after.
Im not addicted to drugs, Im not abused, I
dont volunteer prostitute myself.
Am I too normal and without issue to warrant complete
lack of consideration? Does it take huge self-hurt
demonstrations to cause concern?
I just want people who are supposed to be my friends to
include me. If Ive done something for someone at any time,
an invitation out or anything like that is repayment
enough, not that I require repayment for the things I do
for people (just dont fucking use me. Im not standing for
Just call me, see me, hug me, love me, because Im not
about to swallow bleach for someones pity. I dont want
pity. As Ive said, just consideration.
**footnote** I am not- saying that I am better than people
who have legit psychological problems like Ive described,
just that Im not worse than they are because I lack a
carte blanche of diagnosis. Basicallywere all desperate
for attention, Im just obviously asking for it here.
Pathetically, yes, but there you go.