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2003-06-28 16:31:35 (UTC)


this blows ass. im so torn right now. i really want to
just call matt cus he's off work, drive up there and get
my stuf. and come home. and get this job with him, 3rd
shift making like $13/hr. but i love gainesville. and i
love my house. but i just dont love this feeling that
allison is trying to fuck me over. and i cant afford
that. so im so confused... claudia is the best. she came
up to see me last night which kicked so much ass because i
was really depressed and drunk and laying in bed
thinking... i could just kill myself. and it sounded like a
really good plan. and matt wouldnt talk to me surprise
surprise. cus he was TIRED. fuck him dude. and i was
cutting and drinking some more and thinking. what if i
just die. and then claudia came! it was amazing. i had a
lot of friends there who i love a lot but sometimes i feel
like shes my angel. she was telling me how last weekend
when her and tammy left she started crying because she
is "protective" of me and didnt think id be happy and all
this and it was so cute. i love her to death.
she got a speeding ticket on our way home to orlando this
morning. the cop was such a penis and i felt so bad. i
dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!! im like UGHHHHHH.
someone smart decide for me. because i hate orlando but i
would be rich here and be able to go to school full time.
and be with matt. but then, that will be the same as
always.. and gainesville is so nice and the people are so
nice and i have fun there. but i cant afford it and i'll
be poor the whole time and having to work a lot and not
able to go to school as much which is really important.
and allison really drives me nuts sometimes. and then
sometimes shes great. but i would have to leave my kitties
with her which is really sad and would piss me off because
they're mine. i dont know!!!!! i dont know what to do
everything i do is a mistake and so im so confused.

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