dazed and confused

Twisted Teenage Years
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2003-06-27 17:24:23 (UTC)

confusion that takes over my mind...

In the last hour, I've signed in about 5 times and then
decided that I didn't really want to write in here. I do. I
just "don't" want to write what's really on my mind.

Ready?

I can't stop thinking about Seth. The last few nights, I've
been having dreams that take me back to last summer. The
trips we took, the things we did together... it's like a
movie in my mind. I miss it. I always thought that Mike was
really the first person I ever truly fell in love with. I
was wrong. That title had to go to Seth, and I honestly
don't know for sure that I'm over it. It was a really bad
break up, and I haven't even heard from him once since. I
had no closure, I guess you culd say. But I am in love with
Brent. There's no questioning that. I better be... I'm
engaged to him, and I've been living with him since a week
or so before school got out. I mean... I don't want to get
back with Seth... I just want to still say that he's a part
of my life, if not the same part he used to be. Brent has
someone like that, so I don't really think he'd mind
knowing the truth; knowing why I cry at night. I just don't
know how to talk to him about it. "Hey, Baby... I can't get
over my ex." Yeah... I'm sure that would go over real well.
It's getting pretty bad though... I almost slipped up and
called Brent Booboo... that was my nickname for Seth. And
things he's been doing lately... just stupid little things
remind me of Seth. They're build almost exactly alike, and
they like pretty much the same exact things... I don't know
what to do. I want to be over it, and I want him to stop
showing up in my mind when I least want him there. I want
that to ONLY be Brent that appears in the middle of the
night. I want to be 150%sure that I'm doing the right
thing. I know I am... I'm completely 150% head-over-heels
in love with Brent. He's my whole world... I'm rambling.
I'm shutting up now. Later.


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