Wildthing1983

Me and More
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2003-06-25 11:26:33 (UTC)

Well, I dunno...

Dear Diary,

Well, I'm hopelessly lost inside my own body and mind. I'm
angry, jealous, depressed all wrapped up in one. I keep
going from depressed severely to overly angry. I'm not
angry at Brandon but at Angelica. Very pissed off at her,
and I can't explain that in a way that would make sense.

I'm so depressed, that all I am doing is sleeping, I'm
barely eating and when I do I have to force myself. I hate
when I get this way. It's just that I'm tired of being
played, I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of liking a
guy, thinking I have a chance and then wham! they go out
with another chick. Usually younger, and prettier and
skinnier, Etc. Just so fucking tired.

Things never seem to go my way. Like everyone wants my to
remain unhappy. God, friends, family, life. Everyone and
everything. I'm trying so hard to be happy and not let this
affect me this way but I can't help it. I really thought I
had a chance with him, but like always, my feelings get
played. I have a feeling that they won't work out, but I
also have a feeling that I won't ever have a chance to date
Brandon. Which usually happens. I either lose their
friendship because of a chick, or after they stop dating
someone, they don't ever want to give me a chance.

I can tell you that if that happens, if I get played again,
I'm fucking leaving. Either through death, or packing up my
shit and moving outta this fucking state. Either way I'll
be away from my pain and torment. To much pain in this
town. And I think I should be given a chance, at least once
to show him what I'm like to date. But I doubt it. I never
get a chance to be happy.

-Heather


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