Amnesia

dude
2003-06-24 07:07:30 (UTC)

ALMOST rid of my high school life.

It's still kinda following me but atleast I get to stay up
real late if I want to and no one tells me (in my head) to
go to sleep. Just my dad. That bitch. I'm fucking eighteen
with a job that doesn't start until 2:30, so I'll go to
fucking sleep whenever the hell I please. Besides, most of
the time I'm only staying up to translate stuff for work.
Like today. I'm still not done but I'm leaving the rest for
tomorrow before I screw up on something. Yikes it's already
1:31. Oh well.

Thing is that all of sunday I was chilling and cleaning my
old shit. I threw out 3 bags from crap I don't need
anymore. I still feel a little on the high school teen side
with school as a necessity and all, but not fully. That's
prabobly because I didn't finish cleaning my room. I
straightened out the major majority of it. Not all. I
updated my dude book as well. Didn't finish yet. Found
another old film. Bozo and mom went to develop it. It was a
badly developed film. Too dark. The time Teresa and I went
to visit Cyndi, and we hung at the train. Some, few good
pics though. I'll include them in my dude book as a
flashback or something among those lines. I still gotta
develop the film that I can't get out of my camera, and
hopefully have that camera fixed. I'll put it all in the
dude book with some art perhaps. Finish it off with a final
thought. Something along the lines of, hopes for the
future. Kinda like this diary entry. I might write it in
here and just paste it in there. That doesn't feel all too
personal though. We will see. Especially since I've writen
some of that stuff in here already. That will conclude my
dude book.

By the time that's done I will have already cleaned out the
remainder of my high school stuff, burnt the prom candles,
vacuumed my room clean, change my wardrobe to what I have
planned, (looking through my book of shadows I saw that the
21st was that holiday which begins summer, filling it with
passion and love. That's exactly how I fealt. Weird thing:
Jade is one of the gems for this time. One of the colors
includes red. ) Point
being that once I finish the dude book I would have also
put an end to all these other high school things, clean the
whole place, (vacuum) and bless it. (I'll learn how by that
time don't worry about me.)

I moved all my crazy projects and letters to the bottom
shelf of my armoir. All my art supplies as well. Where my
art supplies were, (in the bottom of drawer of my desk,)
are now my witchcraft things. Where my witchcraft things
were are now my memories. That's the one place I don't
intend to open. Oh, and I got all my affairs in order. Yes,
you guessed it. I organized the top drawer of my desk. It's
small, but it fits what needs to be fitted.

Once all that shit is done and put away, plus placed
properly, (I'm coming out of the closet. I'm bringing out
my alter from the closet, to the middle of my room, which
will make me have to fold up my bed every day. Oh well.)

It's one thing to change the room to suit my new attitude,
it's another to have a new attitude. It's half there since
I'm half done. Once I've got all that taken care of I will
do things differently with myself. Since I start work at
2:30, and end at 7:30, I have enough time to take my time
and actually bathe and eat a good meal in the morning. As
well as do yoga and any other of those crazy skeems I have.
Unless I'd be going to the beach or something among those
lines. I do wanna have a social life though. But that
wouldn't leave me much time to do the stuff I wanna do in
the morning, like yoga, neopets, bathing, good breakfast,
crazy schemes and such because I'd be sleeping. Therefore,
I must sleep less, but in a deeper sleep. So I figure I'll
try that nutmeg thing Arthur told me about. Besides that I
will also meditate every night. I won't make excuses like
someone is online or someone is watching t.v. and I can't
concentrate cause most of the time that won't be. That is,
unless I keep depending on family for rides, which I want
to stop. If public transport is what it takes then I'll do
it, with in reason that is. Meditation saves me atleast 2
hours of sleep because I'm in a deeper sleep, and helps me
on so many levels the next day. It is truly the key to me
suceeding in my crazy schemes and is the crucial point of
where I begin my changed attitude towards life and myself.

Once I get used to a social life, and my parents get used
to it as well, meditation will come in kinda simple. Once
that's in place then maybe a morning routine consisting of
yoga, shower, good breakfast, eyeq, neopets... maybe diary,
then maybe whatever scheme I have for that given day,
depending on when I would wake up. I plan on tanning every
day, or every other day. One of my goals for the summer. I
never really had a good tan. I plan to change that. That
and having a man to hug and kiss. Hey maybe that could be
my social life. Or atleast part of it. I could get a dude
with a car, that my parents trust, and if not I could cover
in some way, that would be my boyfriend, and we would hang
late nights just doing stuff. Not everyday ofcourse, or
perhaps, but often. That'd be nice. I'd perhaps come
straight to the computer and write about how it all went. A
real date. Now just to find the guy.

Till my next crazy scheme...
-Amnesia