The Nine Faces of Dave
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can't go forward, won't go back
So my last entry was less than it could have been, and that
is what I get for writing when I don't have much to say. At
any rate, I've a bit more material tonight, so perhaps this
entry will prove better.
I've finally gotten my weight loss back on track after some
difficulty. With any luck, I'll hit the 17-pound-loss mark
on Tuesday, and I'll be right on schedule with my plan. In
addition, I've added some new exercises: half an hour on the
rowing machine every other day, and some shoulder exercises
for my weightlifting. It remains to be seen just how big a
fitness nut I will ultimately become.
So the physical side of the Dave Improvement Plan is coming
along very well, and my goal of losing 40 pounds is in sight
once again. I'm hoping that I'll still be 40 pounds lighter
at the end of summer, regardless of any increase in muscle
mass. Who knows, maybe I can be nearly unrecognizable upon
my return. It will be tricky, and may require me to dye my
hair, but it's certainly doable. We shall see.
My social life is still kind of in the shitter, as I've had
no correspondence with either of my former comrades since I
told them I wasn't going on the trip. I suppose I shouldn't
refer to them as "former" friends, since as of now there has
been no real cutting of ties. But I do predict some fairly
substantial change in our friendships; whether it will prove
for the better or for worse, I can't say. All I know right
now is that now is the right time for me to branch out and
find some new friends. I have both the opportunity and the
motivation; now I just need the capacity to do so.
However, despite my recent difficulties, the social front of
the Dave Improvement Plan is actually advancing. Recently,
I renewed correspondence with a girl I used to go to school
with. Now I'm not expecting anything more than a friendship
to come of all this (not that I'd mind), but it definitely
represents a step forward, at least from the state I was in
at summer's beginning.
It's still unclear how successful the social aspects of the
Plan will be. At this point, I'm pretty clueless as to just
how to go about the rest of my plan. Phase One was to deal
with my hangup about a girl I knew, and that has been pretty
much taken care of. Problem is, my plans for Phase Two were
dependent on the outcome of Phase One, and generally needed
some input from said girl. Unfortunately, I haven't heard
from her in months, and so I have to assume that she doesn't
want anything to do with me. That's fine, it's not the end
of the world. Problem is, I can't quite figure out why.
There are too many possibilities stemming from this outcome,
which makes reacting to it difficult. Am I a gigantic pain
in the ass, or has she just decided that correspondence with
me isn't worth the trouble? Does she just find me extremely
unattractive, or is there something about my personality or
habits that drove her away?
The trouble here is that I can't determine whether or not I
have some major personality defect, let alone what it might
be. For all I know, I could be giving off a malignant aura,
or I could be really boring, or "being fat" could have been
reclassified as a moral failing. The point is, I just can't
figure this out on my own, and it's driving me crazy.
I'd like to think that I've done the healthy thing and moved
on. Only problem is, there's a big rock in my path, and for
the life of me I can't get around it. I'm too weak to move
it, and I forgot to bring explosives on this trip. So now,
I'm parked here on the highway, I don't have enough gas to
get back where I came from, and there's no one in sight who
can help me get further along.
It's times like these that I wish I had more platonic female
friends. Because I don't think "the guys" are really going
to be of much help in a situation like this.
Yadda, yadda, feedback welcome, yadda.
This is Dave, signing off.
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