2003-06-21 04:31:22 (UTC)

Me having courage enough to talk to a guy?

Why not I told myself after hearing out Yesenia's story of
a Freshman which we both know talking to the guy she and I
admire from a far. Helen is much more couragous than I. I
didn't realize it could be so easy. She just walked up to
him and said "I like your hair." This may be enough of an
ice breaker for her, but I would need more. Since I think
we have alot in common, we should have a whole dialogue. So
when Yesenia was saying this I thought, that I should use
this line. (I then remembered Angel and how things went
with him when we had that same ice breaker. Now I realised
why I never bothered to think of something like that.)

Here's the thing though, where would it go from there? So
Yesenia said, why don't you ask him how he does it. And I
thought yeah. That's just so crazy it might have just
worked. Then I'd start telling him about the stuff I used,
and if he doesn't believe I had spikes I could show him my
school ID. But what then? We could go on with me confessing
that I've been checking him out. That I dig his style. I
first noticed him with the gloves. I could ask him about
that and tell him about my fashion glove stuff. If that
would put an end to the whole dialogue thing then I would
just hand him a flier to go get a free massage at the place
I work at. Wink, wink. I'd tell him to do it cause it's
good for him, and to amuse me, cause I'm always bored.

Eventually she had to go, but I kept thinking about this.
And I thought, you know I totally could have pulled off
something like that. Why didn't I think of it earlier? Now
I've graduated and I won't see him until I come back as an
alumni maybe next year. Even if, I don't want to come back
like cat, 2 weeks after the beginning of the new year.

Here's how the plan would work though. That whole dialogue
thing. I'm thinking of switching my attire over to
something more mature. I'm thinking make up, and red and
black clothes. They're sexy, and come to think of it, I
want a guy now. I've been playfully distant too long. I
just want someone now. No childish games, no little
expectations of meeting someone at a dance who turns out
never to call or be a perv. Ignorance is bliss. I wanna see
how the other half lives. How easy it could really be not
to worry about matters of the "heart".

So yeah, make-up clothes, all with a sexy red and black
theme. I was looking in the mirror after graduation, and I
liked what I saw. I thought "I look good in red and black.
the make-up helps too. Besides my dad likes me to put on
make-up more often, and I don't have to be anywhere at 8 am
so I can manage it." I can do this to meet a certain
somebody. I will change my look a little. Bring out
sexuality a little more, because that is how I feel
recently. I noticed this especially since I've been
dreaming way too often where I see someone kissing. That's
what that stuff means. A kiss can mean being love deprived,
and I am. I feel it especially after prom. I mean, I'm a
pretty, sexy and nice girl, why don't I have a guy to take
me to prom? That kept floating around my mind all the time.
I guess it's cause I haven't brung it out recently. I will
do that. This summer is going to be all about sexuality,
and independence.

Plus I'm using that crest whitening thing, so I feel much
better if I wanna approach someone, or smile, because I'm
not worried about my lack of dental hygiene anymore.
That's it for now, I'm tired and I gotta open up the store
tomorrow. Bye!


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