Well, now I know where the hopeless comes from. Despite
my claims and my desires to be free of any relationship
possibilities or problems, I can't help but still have a
desire to be with someone. Yet regardless of what or how
hard I try, I just can't win.
I at least know this much, if nothing works out with
Allison or Jessica, I'm through with the game. I doubt
anything will happen with Jessica, so that really leaves it
down to Allison. I'm not about to go casting more lines,
I'm just going to gather up those already out, see if I get
lucky and bring anything in, and if not, move on. Hell,
maybe if so.
Regardless, my feelings right now are still that I need
to get out of here. That may change if I find something
here worth staying for, but the way things are going right
now, that prospect seems doubtful. Thinking back on it
now, all the years of getting around on my own and
establishing such a firm sense of independence may be
working against me now. I can't even drive yet, but I
couldn't be more eager to get out of here. As soon as I
have a car it won't be nearly as bad, but I'll still need
to get away from my parents. I've just been managing so
much of my own life for so long, and until recently my
parents have been content to let me, that I'm highly
resentful of them trying to take away that control now.
I don't know. Hopefully I'll have something good to
report on soon, though I wouldn't bet on it.