punkrockchic487

SMILE
2003-06-21 03:22:39 (UTC)

something is terribly wrong

either i am in some sort of deep depression or i am
just realizing how much of a loser i am. it is a friday
night, and i am spending my time sitting infront of my
computer. this has to be the loneliest night i have ever
experienced. two of my best friends have left today and
wont be back for over a week. another great friend has
been gone for about a week on a trip i would have killed
to go on. the next person leaving me is going on sunday.
then there is my parentals who would rather not take me
with them on their vacation. and lastly my boyfriend will
be leaving me by the end of the month. physically i am and
will be alone but mentally i am alone too. i dont even
understand myself. i mean one week i am great. i love life
and everything that is coming my way. then there are days
like today where i would rather be dead than live this day
over again. i feel distant from everyone. i feel that matt
just cant open up to me or jsut doesnt want to or hell
just flat out doesnt like me anymore. then with about 90%
of my other friends are closer to ever by one thing that i
cant be a part of. i guess ill go through in august to
make them happy, to make me happy, to make god happy, i
dunno maybe it wont make anyone happy. happiness is
somethin i really cant talk about probably bc i am so far
from happy right now. i feel confort in talking about my
loneliness in mere hope that maybe some person may
understand or care and one day help me or just tell me
they care and everything will be ok.




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