chantelmarilyn
shattered image
babies got blue skies up ahead
oh oh oh the sweetest thing.
Yesterday--
I didnt really do anything
anything of much importance.
Randy told his dad
that I slit my wrists...
and his dad said
"She's crazy and Im glad you arent going out w/ her"
God,
him telling his dad that I do that,
hurts more
than me having my friends
ask about it.
:'(
But,
as soon as randy said
"Great now your mad at me. I know how you always feel,
hated, now. I want to go kill myself"
and signed offline,
I so desperately wanted to call..
and say,
:"Look randy,
this isnt right"
but I couldnt.
I cant do stuff like that.
But he just got online
so,
Im talking to him about it
:-/
My belly button hurts, but I dont think it's infected
or anything...
my body is just adjusting I guess.
I have to drop off my Surf Coaster application today
and I told heather Id take the job to watch her kids
this summer...
even though shes from the church
and so
I know it will feel extremely weird.
But I guess Ill have to deal w/ that.
Yesterday,
I watched the BEST movie.
Yes I cried,
but it really changed my outlook on things.
It makes me want to write about
my mom
and stuff...
maybe I will
but I dont know.
It...made me think more positive
which is great.
I havent slit since last sunday
which is a great advancement in my life.
Even though it's all scaring now.
:-/
O well,
marks of growth I guess.
I still have to write about
Randy
Corey
and now I guess
my mother...
so those will be my next few entries.
Stefan leaves today
around 5
for his dads
for the whole
entire
summer.
If he doesnt call while he's there
I might just go crazy.
I really want to see him
before he goes.
But we'll see.
*sigh*
My gram wwont buy the new harry potter book for me :'(
But,
I have to read
THE ILIAD
and
WEST SIDE STORY
as it is...
so I guess I could just
use that as
...
and incentive or something.
I really feel like I wanna
go out
and go swimming
or soemthing...
but I hate going alone.
:-/
randy says he misses me....
RandyPenguin666: i just cant get over the fact that i lost u
which is weird
cause he also says I could never have him back
which leads me to believe
maybe he doenst know what he wants...
I dont know.
I think im done...
I think im changing...
better.
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