Steva's Life
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2003-06-20 15:20:36 (UTC)

Another quiet Morning... not...

Well to start a morning off quietly, Since i've gotten back
to NY from my NH Estate, Its been one big party one after
the other pretty much every night so far, and then i was in
brooklyn seeing my friends band reherse, and working on the
street team getting Kayden's Name out. But what bother's me
about doing all this work for them, is first i'm not
getting paid anything... though, I'm probably gonna be
allowed to get free admission to the gigs, witch is cool!
But then also, i'm in contact with the Manager of the band
VIA e-mail and I send him like 20 e-mails and then i never
recive one back for like 3 days... and it bother's me when
its like for a person whom i don't know e-mailing me asking
me questions about stuff witch i have to ask the manager
about... and then i just leave these poor people
standing... Another problem in my life, a friend of mine
Jenn, started talking to this guy and he was bi "Leaning
more to gay" and so she gave him my screen name so that he
could talk to me, and we talked for about a week, and the
turn down of this is that he lives in Fla. But i didn't
really think about that... because things can happen. The
one thing that made me love him to death is that he liked
me for more then my looks... Like i had sent him my picture
and everything and we talked and then yesterday i brought
up, "Are you seeing anyone" and he said "kind of, we've put
that aside and decided to get to know eachother better
first" witch can mean anything... but it really shook up
the friendship because he really doesent want to talk to me
much anymore... and that upsets me, because i really like
him... And not many guys come in to my life :'( Becuase
every Guy i've ever gone out with or come in contact with
didn't like me because of my looks, because i wasent
they're type or what not... and I'm sitting here...
thinking what the hell... what person is going to like me
for ME, not just my looks, ME! what happened to people
liking people for who they are, and not just they're
looks. This world has really changed from what it used to
be, Becuase, back when, People actually saw people for who
they were and not just what they looked like... Beucase
they may look good, but they may be a bitch. And i don't
understand. I mean no one has ever sent a guy my way so
when Jenn did that i was absolutly surprised... Beucase it
had never happened before... like i had gone out on a date
a while back with a guy that i had met from FAO shits, But
that totally didn't work out because i couldn't stand him
he was a nerotic Bitchy asshole. yes... that's the only way
to put that. Then more with kayden, Like when i was at FAO
talking to Al about getting the press kit and what not.
He's like we want you to take on more task's with the band
like take on alot of the manager's stuff and i havent herd
anything more about that. And he Was like would you mind
donateing 100$ for a thosand CD's or what not, and i would
but i don't have that type of money. But like i took on
alot when i put up the Street team e-mail address because
they wanted somoene to do that so i took it on, and then
they decide that they're going to do it... and then they're
like well we'll put your e-mail on the list of people
heading it up. But they said that they want ME to head it
up and so i asked Jane to help me with it. But how am i
supposed to do it if i have no help from the band and/or
Manager. Then going on to jeff, I've begun to get sick of
him again... sadly so, I'm just sick of things he does...
Like He never puts in for anything and then expects to use
everything, i'm going to have to store stuff hidden away
because i'm not going to pay for everything month after
month, I'm getting sick of doing it... if he wnats to put
in for toilet paper, paper towels etc. then he can use them
but untill he does then i'm not paying for them, i'll keep
a role around for my self and friends.. but hide it from
him or somthing becuase i've gotten sick of him useing me.
Weather you would call it that or not, its the only thing
that i can think of. I mean i do all the cleaning week
after week, and pay for all the cleaning supply's and then
he just lives here and does nothing. I'm working on
remodling the apt... witch is really cool... because i love
doing that... again it would be nice if jeff were here to
help clean a bit... but no... Like he calls him self
busy... Umm. NO!, The things he does is Work and then sleep
with josh, and that's not busy... He really doesent put any
time aside for his friends, he has this past week... but
its a rarety, and any time he's home he's sleeping and he
has to sleep at least 12 hours a day... witch is scary. But
i don't control his life so i can't do anything about it...
but should i just not care anymore? I don't know what to
do. "Don't write a letter when you wnat to leave don't call
me at 3 am from a friends apt. i'd like to choose how i
hear the news, Take me to a park that's covered with tree's
tell me on a sunday please, let me down easy no big song
and dance no long faces no long looks no deep conversation,
i know the way we should spend that day take me to a zoo
that's got chimpanzies tell me on a sunday please, Don't
want to know who's to blame it won't help knowing, Don't
want to fight day and night bad enough your going don't
leave in silence with no word at all, don't get drunk and
slam the door that's no way to end this, i know how i want
you to say goodbye, find a circus ring with a flying
trapise, Tell me on a Sunday please" -tell me on a sunday
from the same name Like i'm getting excited yet up set all
at once because my friend jenn is coming in to stay with me
on sunday night becuase she's coming in to see zanna don't
on sunday becuase its jai's last performances, and that's
sad... but everyone has to move on in they're lifes... One
thing i've come to relize is that i really should give up
things that are bad for me becuase they have begun to take
over my life and this is the worst stage to be at, and i
don't know how to stop it other then not doing it every
night... Witch is the best road to take right at the
moment... But who know's weather that will work... Because
i really want my life back, becuase i never get out to do
things during the day its just at night that i'm partying
or what not... or sometimes seeing a show or somthing but
then it always involves things... :-/ and i need to get
away from that becuase i don't wnat it to take my life
anymore. So hopfully it will change... and if it doesent
then i'll get help. Not that my life doesent need so much
help already ;-) Well i have to run for now... i just had
to get this all out... talk to you soon.