2003-06-18 22:21:00 (UTC)

ya know i feel like forever i..

ya know i feel like forever i have been struggling with
being conscious, and with existing.

and when things outside my own mind happen to question
further at a time when my doubting mind is doing a good job
for itself i really cant take it

it was like a movie. a bad movie. something not real that
only happens to other people. he orchestrated it. he wanted
it to happen.

found out almost the whole time he was with me, he was with
her. she told me. extended her hand "im his girlfriend." of
nine months. october. we broke up end of december. slept
together sinse. i told her everything. the phone calls, the
proclamations of love.

that day i thought 'im happy things didnt end badly." people
get so bitter, so lost in hate.

and now thats what i feel. like i am in a spiraling vortex
of hell lies hell and lies and that i am so so stupid