Mark Gittner

Gay Guy juggles his life struggles.
2003-06-18 06:11:56 (UTC)

A letter to my friends about a magic moment...

Hey Guys!

I wish every single one of you had been at the Monon
Station tonight for the Kareoke Semi Finals!

It was awesome. I was really nervous, because the quality
of the performers has really improved lately, and I knew
that some of the best were in my bracket of the semi's. And
after hearing them sing thier respective songs (I was next
to last to go), I was really worried I might not make it to
the Finals this time, despite all my bravado to the
contrary. There are some REALLY good individuals there.

Anyway, my turn comes up, and Tim (DJ) is making jokes to
calm me down, cause he knew my chances were gonna be tight
from what he'd heard out of me in the past. I grabbed the
mike from him, turned around, and as soon as the music
started (I'll Be - Edwin McCain) I felt this surge of
emotion and energy that I hadn't felt when singing since
BEFORE I left California.

I BLEW EVERYONE AWAY.

If that had been the finals, I'd be $300 richer tonight. If
it had been American Idol, I'd be picking Clay and Ruben up
off of the floor, and then signing my contract. The music
just flowed through me in a way I haven't felt since
performing in a theatre in CA, on a peak night, when I
forget the audience is there, and who I am becomes just a
dim awareness in the back of my head, keeping just a
semblance of control over my abilities, lest they become
lost in the now.

My mind just worked at an amazing pace, almost
subconciously ahead by a beat in the music. Telling me to
add vibrato just so, and throw an extra riff in here, and
to prepare for this note and moving my tongue and throat to
the perfect position for the moment in the song. I have
just rediscovered my joy of performing at a level I haven't
thought I was gonna feel again. God this is ME!

I couldn't believe it. I had people I have never met or
seen in my life coming up to me to tell me how much they
enjoyed it. ALL NIGHT. Just one after another. If I'd had a
CD to sell, I really think I would have made some cash
tonight.

But to feel this. Just a moment again. This incredible
feeling that overshadows any ecstacy I've taken, any sex
I've ever had... It's like I'm home inside my heart again.

So I came in first in the semi's, but on the down side...

THE FINALS WERE POSTPONED UNTIL TUESDAY THE 24TH!

SO MY GOING AWAY PARTY AT THE MONON IS ALSO POSTPONED UNTIL
TUESDAY THE 24TH @ 9:30 PM. i WILL LOVE TO SEE YOU THERE IF
YOU ARE A in/ky FRIEND. i'LL NEED YOUR SUPPORT, AND
HOPEFULLY, THE MAGIC WILL STILL BE THERE FOR ME.

GOD, IT IS MOMENTS LIKE TONIGHT WHEN I FEEL WHOLE INSIDE
AGAIN. LIKE GOD EXISTS, AND TRUE LOVE HAS BEEN FOUND. LIKE
MY FAMILY IS HOLDING ME UP, AND I HAVE NEVER LEFT A FRIEND
BEHIND EVER. LIKE EVERY OCEAN SUNSET I'VE EVER SEEN, AND
EVERY TONY AWARD HAS BEEN MINE.

It's good to feel a TRUE moment of COMPLETE happiness in my
life again after so long....

Love,

MArk