2003-06-17 23:48:19 (UTC)

now that youre gone im trying..

now that youre gone im trying to take it,
trying to swallow the rage.
this is not how i want it to end, and i'll never be open
again. theres no one to take my blame- if they wanted to.
theres nothing to keep me sane, and its all the same to
you. and i'll smile and i'll learn to pretend and i'll
never be open again. i have no more dreams to defend and
i'll never be open again. i could never be open again.

its hard when he keeps emailing me and IMing me. cus i get
all happy when he does but then i get mad like LEAVE ME
ALONE this isnt helping!!!

i cant wait til friday. i get my bed tomorrow. and i got
an inhaler today. and friday im guna paitn and saturday im
guna move stuf and im GUNA find a job. and im guna be far
away from him and erase him from my mind and i'll be like
YAY and focus on my life. and maybe its not healthy or
realistic but part of me really thinks that he's going to
grow up and we're going to be fine. we just both need time
to heal we never gave it long enough in between. we'll be
fine. if we're meant to be. and if not. everythings
going to be fine. im guna get through this.

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