Welcome to own demise
2003-06-16 12:38:01 (UTC)

closure or foreshadowing?

so i dont want to say a lot has happened since i last
wrote, but i dunno if that would be completely true.

rather than do what i usually do and describe every day in
detail, ill keep it short and sweet.. hehe..

so i decided not to return to chicago at the end of the
summer after all...

secretly ive been contimplating this for quite some time
but my thoughts didnt become known to my fathert until we
went to florida for a weekend for maries wedding.

oh bout that, maries wedding was nice. she looked so
beautiful... she looks soo much like our mom its not funny.
the only thing that pissed me off was how much shit ppl
were talkin bout our mom and then how much everyone kept
saying how i look just like my mom. and my father drank
entirely waaaaay too much that weekend and was pissy with
me bc my theory is anyway, bc he didnt get any bc his gap-
toothed hoe bailed on him.

i almost did something really stupid out there too....
thank god my father was being such a dick and wouldnt let
me go anywhere

i love albert. ahh it seems like i say that in every entry,
but i mean it everytime.

i had a going away party the night b4 i left. not many
people showed up but it was sooo much fun. i rolled. only a
couple people knew. melissa came! i was soo happy. and as
mean as it sounds i was soo happy to hear she broke p with
carlos. he was nothing but bad news. i was talking to
alivia about how melissa broke my heart and how i havent
had any girl friends since her. it sounds like we were
lovers lol. but she was my sister. and we're cool now...
omg im soo happy for that.

brent showed up stayed about 7.85 seconds then broke. lol.
as soon as he saw albert he left. it was funny.

everyone thought i was like drunk...when actually, i didnt
drink a drop... i kept my composure extremely well for have
had taking a double. ive been doin that a lot lately....

omg im gonna miss maya! i already miss her! grr i have to
call her and tell her some shit.. actually i think im gonna
write her a letter.

i weigh far too much nowadays. that needs to stop. oh and
it will.

god dave was o.c. at my party. he ended up kinda getting
into it with albert bc he was so fucked up... im kind of
pissed at him tho... although hell never kno that. it
pisses me off that the last night with my boys in my house
he fucked it up by being such a retarded drunk mess. thank
god he made it home alright though.

so now im in mass.... i have my job interview today... i
guess ill start working tomorrow or something. to be honest
i really dont want to work at the hospital... but oh well
ya know. moneys money.

i cant wait til albert gets here i miss him so much and its
only been like 2 or 3 days since ive seen him. :(

the only thing bout my party is that i wish steph and
kathryn coulda been there... oh well right? it wasnt at all
suprising that they didnt go, granted stephs still in
school, i duno whatever i guesss i h=just hate the fact
that they dont care about me like they used to... bc i
still care about tehm. i worry about them. i love them i
miss them... but i guess ill just have to get over that one

i dont quite know what it means that melissa came to my
party, was it like closure to our arguements, or was it a
sign that we'll be ok? those stupid girls who were trying
to grab all on my man.. and brent showing up, was the like
a sign that we're gonna be tempted in the future? man i
dunno.... i guess ill have to waiut and see right?