2003-06-15 23:33:03 (UTC)

these days it doesnt take much to make me cry

and i dont even have to wonder why
i miss you with every cell in my body
i shake and i ache when i think about holding you
and i say that im okay alone and i want to leave it
but i want things back they used to be...
pull me out of this darkness, pull me out of this pool of
tears that im drowning in
im so sick and tired of feeling like this
and my friends are saying this could take years and years
and years and i miss you, i miss you

im actually doing pretty well. right now, im not. but
for the most part. i only called him once and i only broke
down 3 times.
i really wish i wasnt in orlando right now. i want it to
be next weekend and this to be over. it was so hard to
leave, driving back to orlando, driving home knowing i
wasnt going to see him when i got here. but i had to come
for fathers day. which wasnt that bad i guess. i was
sitting there and its just a completely different feeling,
sititng with them in embarrassment for my dad that im
embarrased to even be feeling adn the tension and ugh. but
it was an awesome restaurant, we went to emerils new
place. so i guess it could have been worse.

i want to go back now. i dont want to sit here all week
feeling like this. like if i dont call someone, anyone
this very second i will call him and tell him things i
shouldnt be telling.

i made friends up there=) i like someone but its one of
those ridiculous things i can never say. and its cool. i
dont really care. we have a pretty purple house with
flowers and kitties and its nice. and i want TO GO BACK
AND I WANT TO FORGET I EVER KNEW HIM. because i know that
i dont need it i know i i'll be okay but im still so
fucking weak and it pisses me off.