Woodsmoke

Montana bound
2003-06-15 07:13:17 (UTC)

It's time for #1

GOD I FEEL BETTER!!!!
A few hours ago, I read something talking about the
personal freedoms and such of single life, just living for
oneself and letting the rest of the world go their own
way. It jolted me into a thought process I've not had for
quite some time.
It used to be that I always kept the option of just
dropping everything and concentrating on myself open in my
life. Lately, though, I'd gotten so deep into the whole
love and shit game, the thought hadn't even occurred to
me. When I read it, it hit me like a ton of bricks that
this is EXACTLY what I need to do.
I plan on getting out of Utah as soon as possible, and
until then, any relationships or anything that I develop
are only going to give me more grief. So, for the
remaining duration of my residence in this shit hole, I'm
living by this simple philosophy.
Cut loose all the shit, give any remaining problems the
bird, and look out for #1.
It's time for ME. I'm sick of looking out for everyone
else, of trying to live up to the societal expectation of
having a girlfriend and being a great guy. From this point
out, there IS NO everyone else! I'm going to get a job.
Then I'm going to get my lisence. Then a car. Then a kick
ass stereo system, both for my car and my room. Then a
rifle. Then another rifle. Then another rifle. Then
another shotgun. Throw plenty of knives, medieval
periphenalia, a computer, some game systems, games, and
whatever the hell else catches my eye into the mix just for
good measure.
I just had a conversation with an "online friend" I'd
met in a chatroom a while ago. I'm currently feeling happy
as can be with the decision I've made for my new life's
course, and she was bitching to me about her boyfriend. I
tried to be nice, but eventually I just couldn't take it
anymore. I told her of my decision, and that I really
don't care about her problems. I just got rid of a whole
slew of my own, I don't need to burden myself with hers to
take their place. She then started getting all mushy with
me, asking me if I would even care if she died.
What could I say? I'd already started, so what was the
point in lying to her now. I was brutally honset. She
lives on the other side of the God damn PLANET, in New
Zealand. I don't know her, I don't even know her damn
name! I've never met her, and I highly doubt I ever will.
Why in the name of whoever's in charge Up There should I
give a FLYING FUCK about the life of some bitch who will
never affect mine in any way?!!
I'd forgotten how much I enjoy being an asshole. Aside
from my friends, I don't care about anyone. No more being
nice to the people I don't like. If they bother me, I'll
tell them straight out to go to Hell and leave me the hell
alone. As far as I care, the rest of the world can go to
Hell. In fact, I'd be happy to speed them on their way.


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