Jorgin

Lauren's Life: A Guide to Avoiding
2003-06-14 22:43:07 (UTC)

It actually worked....

Finally, after much trial and error, and grossing out many
people by asking them to try, Lizz and I found out that the
whole blowing into someone's mouth makes air come out of
their nose. It was actually pretty funny when I finally
got her to do it. Lol I'm so unloved and atrocious looking
no boys would do it; not even brandon or duncan. I
expected Brandon to maybe let me, then again, he hates me,
so maybe not. (Lol now that i said that, if he didnt hate
me before he sure hates me now, but if he hated me already,
then he wouldnt be reading this, so either way, the
statement is true.[Once again I'm overanalyzing things])
I have to say I'm slightly offended that all the guys
that I asked wouldn't do something so incredibly simple,
but that's okay, being found unattractive doesn't erally
bother me. I mean, that's why I cut my hair. Or part of
the reason anyway; see, if I was hoping I'd be uglier with
shorter hair. And I am, at least I think so, but no one
else will say so to my face. So much for honesty is the
best policy. I was feeling way too loved with long hair; I
think that when I'm genuinely happy, I freak out, because I
think I'm not supposed to be subconciously or something.
So basically, I guess I'm not happy unless I'm sad if that
makes any sense at all. So, I found out these guys kinda,
umm, like me, and 'twas the last thing I needed right now,
I didn't like them back like that, and as silly as it
sounds I'm still pining for a certain someone, and its a
boy, yes. I hope (but I don't really care whether or not
they did) that no one was offended by me and lizz today.
If they have a problem with my slightly ambiguous
sexuality, then that's exactly that, their problem.
Its too bad though, before i told a bunch of people, I
think I would of had a better shot of going out with them,
especially this one, this one that means more than anything
else ever will. I didn't think that this person was so
prejudiced, biased, whatever you want to call it, and I
still don't, there I go making exceptions for them again.
I hope I don't turn into one of those stalker people
that spends the rest of my life trying to get this person
to fall in love with me. 'twould be kind of sad. but
anyway, I think something I've been taking lately makes me
feel drunk/high/crazy, not that I would know what being
drunk or high feels like, but I'm bugging out all the time
now.
So anyway, yeah, my attempt to make myself less
attractive and noticed worked. And so did the other thing
with the mouths. Now if I could just try that with that
certain someone...I can dream, right? There's nothin wrong
with that. Maybe I'll just jump on them and tackle them
the next time I see them so I can tell them
everything...Who the hell reads these entries? It might as
well be a private journal. I mean I could say who I love,
I could use names, in fact I think I might...fuck it.

I'll see ya guys soon--and I'll love you ******* forever.
Oh, and don't get too cocky if the same number of stars
equals the letters in your name, or even your
knickname...Thats all I'm revealing to you guys for now
though so start guessing.




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