2003-06-13 07:06:01 (UTC)

ik kan niet slappin

I feel detached from my life and myself. I look in the
mirror at some psuedo-alternative chai-sipping teenage girl
creature and think, "oh, you again. (This weird girl keeps
following me around)". Then I'm confronted by the memory of
my life a few years ago, and it feels as foreign and
impersonal to me as a movie I once saw. Were all of those
characters really me? Maybe I've only experienced anything
from a safe distance, as an outsider even in my own life.
I've been reading a lot. Virginia Woolf right now. I love
those pretentious middle-class British people novels. Chris
has called a few times. I'm making a point of avoiding him.
Anyone who falls in love that easily (and he was being
sincere, I do know the difference), can recover in a matter
of days. Besides, he is 22.
Last Friday I played with Max and Sebastian. I lost
miserably at chess and won at scrabble. They are constantly
ranting about faschism, which is silly. Max wore my top hat
and performed his favorite musicals in front of crepe
escape. I think he's gay except for his sexuality. He is refreshingly
intelligent. I found Sebastian really
adorable and funny.
Moving on, I was the victem of a traumatic bus ride. I
can't describe it properly, but it involved Alex (the
stereotypically geeky boy who used to bother me
incessantly) asking me out, me blushing
like mad, and a lot of repressed laughter
(ahem-heheheh-cough)from everyone else.
My existence revolves around books and food and sleep.
I'm not a crackwhore, despite the implications of my last
entry. I just want to be a ghost or a tree or a sea serpent
or live inside of a jelly fish (they look like palaces).

Tomorrow I'm off to Santa Cruz. Fabulous adventures will

On Monday I begin my classes at the JC.

Michelle- It's about time you wrote, I was starting to
panic and slip into withdrawl. I'm very glad you're in love.
It seems that you will have a grand summer, and you deserve

Sharon- Why don't YOU have a journal? You ought to, I want
to know what happens in your mind and your life, even if
you only write when you're mad. You must be embarking on a
hectic summer, knowing you. Maybe we'll have JC classes at
around the same times and then we can see each other around

Love, Demetra

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