insecticide

i n s e c t i c i d e
2003-06-13 04:30:03 (UTC)

another bedtime story

So it’s a little past midnight and I should really be
asleep. I should be a lot of things. Jared snuck into my
bed last night, I was so tired I didn’t even realize it. I
remember at some point him stroking my hair and then
rolling over and putting my arm over him and spooning
behind him. I think it registered that he had on no shirt,
but I was too tired to look down to see if he was naked.
He asked something about the music that was playing, my
mp3's. But again I was so tired I didn’t hear them after a
while. He woke me up when he left I think it was almost
2am. Even if I was asleep I wish he could have stayed.
For some reason lately I have felt so totally alone. Like
everyone I know has moved on to something better in their
life. I don’t know if they have or haven’t, but it just
feels like it. And I’m just stuck here alone doing the
same ol same ol and nothing to show for any of it. The
other day Jared was talking to me about me moving into his
house with him. Frightens me, but it is intriguing. It
seems like the relationship would actually become what I
call a “serious” one by doing that. Not that the past 5
years (technically 5 on June 13th) haven’t been serious. I
don’t know, maybe I’m just being totally odd. The past few
days I’ve been dying for something to drink. So maybe on
Friday I can talk Jared into going to a bar or something.
Not highly romantic for a 5 year anniversary, but at least
to do something before or after. Ok, so back to me feeling
like shit right. “Ok, so there I was, alone and naked” or
at least that’s the way JP loves to start his stories. I
miss him. He’s back home or somewhere over yonder since
he’s done with school. No more late night phone calls to
him to talk like little kids. I did get a phone call from
someone at around 5am. But I was sleeping and couldn’t
talk to them. Another friend. People I miss and wish they
could be with me all the time. The best talks are the ones
that seem to last forever and they almost do because you’re
always talking with them all the time. Few people I can do
that with. And all the ones I do, are distant. Well it’s
12:30am and I’m dying of heat. I need to crank up the AC
and go to sleep. Must drag myself to that horrid place of
a workplace in the morning. It’s not really that horrid.
Just not the place I thought it would be, or the place it
should be. But for now, it’s my place. So it’s fitting.
It’s mine. Hasta Luego.




Ad: