nin137

Nick's Journal
2003-06-13 04:05:32 (UTC)

Time

aaaarrrgggghhhhhhh.
i just don't have enough time.
ticking away the moments of a dull day.
something i never have enough of, something i have too
litte of, something that eludes my psyche.
if it is truly an illusionary principle of my mind then
why can't i control it better? why is it that it
buttfucks me all day long and then rips the day out from
underneath me as if it were a rug?
why is time excruciating during public speaking and
fleeting during my time with juliann?
why are menial tasks the bulk of my day even though
i "plan" them to take up just one hour?
it's irrespective, disregard in regard to my will is
almost as insulting as a cat's indifference towards my
existence. if i could capture it i'd throttle it and
shake it till it dies.......stops. so that i can maneuver
my way through the planes of my ambitions without the
darkness of death looming somewhere on the horizon....an
aspect that i just feebly hold off with more hours on my
clock.........minutes........seconds.
man this is way too philo-something big word.
today i sat at wal-mart and read, only because i had to
get new lenses in my glasses....for some reason it takes
them an hour to put them in. i got hit on by a 15 year
old....hey atleast it was a female. what a self-esteem
booster. ha. anyhow it just made me realize how i don't
want kids anytime soon, as i saw a "father" (meaning a 19
yr. old with a molester moustache) yell at his rugrats to
stop being so rambunctious. my, my, the curse of the
sperm. i mean......the blessing. it all depends on the
timing...............