2003-06-13 00:26:27 (UTC)

It isn t about how he looks..

It isn't about how he looks though
There are many good looking men
They didn't give me that fix
Not the players, womanizers
Or the men who say
'Im a nice guy'
And then
Stab you in the back
Not the hardcore addicts
Or psychopathic
The truely dangerous ones

He is just the right person
Maybe he's a mirror to myself
Something spiritual somehow
Maybe it has something to do with
Healing our wounds

I said
I don't want children
He said
Why not
I said
Men just leave
You can't count on them
He said
I will stay
We will be a boring married couple

I liked that idea

He said
Women cheat, they only want money
I said
I don't cheat. You don't have to have money

He cares more about money
Than I do
Then acts like
I said he wasn't good enough

I said
I am unhappy at home
He said
You are like other women. You didn't offer to pay

The way you treat me
I felt like
I have to keep proving myself
That you will never just understand
I am a human being
You always criticized me
I can sense it

Just like you sense it
From me
I thought
How dare he
Who does he think he is
Where does he get off
Self-rightous asshole

You wanted perfection
When you yourself are not perfect

I married someone else
To get away from home
I tried to explain
It wasn't because
I didn't want you
Or didn't love you

You complained to me
About paying for a date
So how could I entrust myself to you
I went
For the sure thing
The one that calls
When he says he will call
The one that doesn't begrudge me
Because I did not pay on a date
That he asked me out on
We played house
It was pleasant
Even if I didn't love him like you
We had good fun times
He is a good person
Even if he has flaws
Like not paying attention to me
Like not knowing what women want
He is really young after all
He still took care of me
He gave me control
He gave me freedom
From abuse I had to put up with
He deserved good from me
He kept nothing from me

I told him
There is a man
I used to know
He is angry at me
I did care for him
He is the only one
I might leave you for
I thought maybe
I could stay with him
Especially when
You refused to talk to me
You refused to understand
To empathize with my pain
How I had been bullied all my life
How I had been beat up all my life
You did not care
You only cared
About your pain

I would have stayed
Just to see you
But I suspected
That you were selfish

Now you HAD to punish me
With your coldness and silence
That is what it was about
Were you even truely angry?
Knowing all along
That I cared for you
Knowing that YOU were IT
You gave me the cold shoulder

You would even tell me
Remember back then
Say you will call
But you don't

Yet you expected me
To stay and WAIT for you
You thought because I cared
You could use it against me
You were wrong
And now you have learnt
The best things to say to me
Your exact words
'Whatever I can do to please you'


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