psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2003-06-12 05:49:12 (UTC)

goodbye.

Narzissismus [12:28 AM]: thanks for the cd
LaDiDaGrl [12:28 AM]: and thank you
LaDiDaGrl [12:29 AM]: if thats all you have to say, i
dont know why you bothered.
Narzissismus [12:32 AM]: to defend myself is to weve an
intricate web of fact and reason all wrapped up in a ball
of disbelief on your end and pieced together with a lack of
will or desire to fend off anything any longer... nomatter
how hard i fight there will always be another virus
LaDiDaGrl [12:33 AM]: Number 6? fuck you.
LaDiDaGrl [12:33 AM]: you miss her? good.
LaDiDaGrl [12:34 AM]: if *i* was the "only one for you"
and you loved me and would "never give up hope" for ME, i
think you wouldnt have a lack of desire to fend off
anything - you dug your own fucking grave. you love her?
that was true? good. you want to call her 2 weeks ago and
tell her you miss her? man talk about lack of desire man i
fucking give up.
LaDiDaGrl [12:35 AM]: all this time man i really thought
you loved me under it all. i really believed it.
Narzissismus [12:35 AM]: i never called her
LaDiDaGrl [12:35 AM]: and you never did you fucking never
fucking did
LaDiDaGrl [12:35 AM]: you've been in love with her all
this time?
LaDiDaGrl [12:36 AM]: 5 years of my fucking life man. i
fucking give up. there is nothing more i could have given
you matt
LaDiDaGrl [12:36 AM]: but im not her. im just not good
enough.
LaDiDaGrl [12:38 AM]: number 6. you fucking prick.
LaDiDaGrl [12:38 AM]: i cant even tell you.
LaDiDaGrl [12:39 AM]: but i give up matt
LaDiDaGrl [12:39 AM]: number 6.
LaDiDaGrl [12:39 AM]: god damn.
Narzissismus [12:39 AM]: whatever i say isnt going to
matter.. you have your self set
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: WHAT COULD YOU SAY
Narzissismus [12:40 AM]: plenty
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: i have my self set?
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: how many fucking times have i taken
this same kind of shit matt
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: and why did i do it
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: because i really fucking believed
that you loved me
Narzissismus [12:40 AM]: but i am going to become mute ..
cause apparently everyhitng i say can be altered , mixed,
and used against me at will
LaDiDaGrl [12:40 AM]: until last night. number 6. you
told her you MISS HER. you told her you love her. do you
know how long its been since you told me you love me. well
at least you didnt LIE ABOUT THAT
LaDiDaGrl [12:41 AM]: you know matt
LaDiDaGrl [12:41 AM]: until she said you talked to her a
few weeks ago, i was going to just let it go and forgive
this too.
LaDiDaGrl [12:42 AM]: but then i snapped. and then i
still wanted you so much that i called to give you a
chance. three words and i was willing to just let it go.
but you couldnt lie to me then could you
Narzissismus [12:43 AM]: you could have told me why
LaDiDaGrl [12:43 AM]: tell me the truth. i want you to
say it. you dont love me. and you still love her.
LaDiDaGrl [12:43 AM]: why? after 5 fucking years of me
taking your shit by your side (when youd LET me be) i need
to tell you WHY you should say i love you?
LaDiDaGrl [12:43 AM]: you cant say it to me after 5 years
matt then i should have fucking known. im an idiot
Narzissismus [12:44 AM]: when the fuck did i ever say i
still loved her
LaDiDaGrl [12:44 AM]: i honestly never thought you did.
LaDiDaGrl [12:44 AM]: i honestly thought under all your
emotional expressing problems, you loved me.
LaDiDaGrl [12:44 AM]: i thought i was the only one.
because YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY ONE
LaDiDaGrl [12:45 AM]: but no, you dont have trouble
expressing yourself to her.
LaDiDaGrl [12:45 AM]: you dont have a problem saying i
love you to her. or i miss you. or NUMBER SIX IS FOR YOU
LaDiDaGrl [12:46 AM]: i guess we were over 3 years ago.
and it took me this long to find out.
LaDiDaGrl [12:47 AM]: she didnt want to call you 2 weeks
ago, so you just hung around?
LaDiDaGrl [12:47 AM]: settled.
LaDiDaGrl [12:47 AM]: settled for me. the retarded bitch
who would give you my life
Narzissismus [12:47 AM]: you got your shit fucked girl.. i
have more shit inside of me i have to deal with and you
come out and asked me to do somehting in the middle of the
night unprovoked i cant love anyhting adrienne i have had
that ripped from me a long fucking time ago and i will
never have it again .. i will never be ther person you want
because i have been destroyed of all that i knew i couldent
give a fuck about anyone you were the beginning and the end
of all i knew of love and after that was done the only
thing i could
Narzissismus [12:48 AM]: do was to set out and fuck those
who fucked me
Narzissismus [12:50 AM]: i will lie i will cheat and i
will destroy anything i can to make certain that i am not
the only one who can be kicked down and shit on and get
back up with a fucking smile
LaDiDaGrl [12:52 AM]: the only thing ive ever wanted was
to love you.
LaDiDaGrl [12:53 AM]: i didnt want to hurt you i just
didnt want to hurt
LaDiDaGrl [12:53 AM]: i thought i was going to die without
you
Narzissismus [1:00 AM]: look adrienne .. I know im not the
person you knew a long time ago and i know im not a person
to be trusted... im not just staying with you for shits and
giggles...i can honestly tell you i dont know what the fuck
i am doing .. and sometimes i think ok this is the person i
am going to be with when i am 70 and other times i am like
for both our sake there is no hope here but usually im just
in this state of day to day
Narzissismus [1:00 AM]: and occasionally a memory hist ..
or a dream of what could be .. or a fear of what will be
LaDiDaGrl [1:01 AM]: our song matt
LaDiDaGrl [1:01 AM]: i would rather you had fucking tied
me up and burned me to death than ever have to hear some of
that shit
LaDiDaGrl [1:01 AM]: im sorry to be so stuck on something
that is so petty in perspective but god what the fuck have
i done
LaDiDaGrl [1:02 AM]: you could have anything you want from
me. but you didnt want it.
Narzissismus [1:09 AM]: i know.. but i also know that i
have tried to piece things together for myself and figure
out what i want and start over but things dont go ..and i
always fall back ... im not blaming you by any means ...
but for my and myself i know how things are
LaDiDaGrl [1:09 AM]: fall back to what
Narzissismus [1:11 AM]: the some old dhit MY same old shit
the pasts same old shit peoples same old shit ..
LaDiDaGrl [1:12 AM]: why did you tell her you miss her?
and to call you. why did you tell her you loved her
Narzissismus [1:13 AM]: no she said she missed hanging out
with me and i said " Yeah"
Narzissismus [1:13 AM]: i said that if adam and her and
her boyfriend ever got " MAD BORDE" they could give me a
call
LaDiDaGrl [1:14 AM]: and you loved her? why our song
Narzissismus [1:15 AM]: i did not say that i did and that
was just a ploy a final blow i have to make a dramatic
exit
LaDiDaGrl [1:16 AM]: and you lied when you told me you
broke up with her to be with me
Narzissismus [1:16 AM]: no i did ... you know how i break
up with ppl tho
LaDiDaGrl [1:16 AM]: that was the nicest fucking thing i
remember you doing in years and it was a fucking lie
LaDiDaGrl [1:17 AM]: by saying "we'll get back together,
you're the only one for me, here, me and adriennes song
is now YOURS"
Narzissismus [1:18 AM]: no no no words taken out of
context words interjected and that was not all said and
what was said was not said at the same tie and much was for
show
Narzissismus [1:19 AM]: people need to understand that
when i speak it had better be taken word for word...
Narzissismus [1:19 AM]: i have meaning and if altered
slightly can be misinturpreted
LaDiDaGrl [1:19 AM]: then tell me matt what did you say
that was misconstrued into "i love you" and "this song is
for you"
Narzissismus [1:22 AM]: the second wasnt said and the
first wasa formality.... i told you adrienne i am by god i
swear by anything you want to make me swear incapeable of
any true emotion of love or otherwise.. it sounds like a
cheasy ploy but it is not i truly could not see past myself
except for when i was first with you and when that
backfired i cannot again and probably wont
LaDiDaGrl [1:23 AM]: if thats true then we should walk
away right now. ive done and said all i can to make things
right. i have nothing else to give. im empty. and if
thats true then we are probably both fucked beyond
repair.
Narzissismus [1:25 AM]: are you planning on pressing enter
anytime soon
LaDiDaGrl [1:25 AM]: all i can say is that i would do
anything in the world for you. and you are the only person
i have ever given a shit about. and i dont expect that to
change. so if distance works some miracles on you and you
think we ever even have a chance than you call me.
LaDiDaGrl [1:26 AM]: but i honestly think i would kill
myself if we continued on like this. i cant change
anything that has happened in the past. all i can do is
try to look past it and you cant and i understand that but
i cant feel like this anymore. you are the only thing that
makes me want to live at all. that is my fucking song.
LaDiDaGrl [1:28 AM]: if your car breaks down at 4 in the
morning on a tuesday night and im in gainesville and you
need my help then you fucking call me. but dont ever do
this shit to me again.
Narzissismus [1:28 AM]: so wait... if it does break down..
i CAN call you ?
LaDiDaGrl [1:30 AM]: i always would and always will do
anything for you. all i ask is that you end this now i can
not take another day of it until something changes
drastically
Narzissismus [1:32 AM]: I would love for things to
change... i guess we will have to see
LaDiDaGrl [1:33 AM]: well until then i have to say goodbye
LaDiDaGrl [1:33 AM]: its the only thing left that i havent
actually gone through with
Narzissismus [1:33 AM]: ok