And just when I thought things couldn
2003-06-12 05:20:06 (UTC)

and it starts again

I hate when people say "Why does it matter?"

It really just pisses me off, especially if the question
wasn't necessarily meaningful unless you were purposely
hiding something. I don't ask questions just to "check up"
on you or whatever it is you may be thinking..I just
remember at one point someone said we were friends, so the
questions "what are you doing" or "who are you with"
shouldn't be so difficulty answered. Why is it so hard for
everyone to be at least half way decent?

And I know everyone hates me right now. No self absorption
involved..I think you can just tell when people don't like
you. And this is one of those times. Probably for a lot
of reasons, (i.e.,I'm not always really happy)..but all I
have to say to that is this:

I'm not going to walk around being fake and pretend like
I'm happy. I'm not going to pretend like I like any of you
unless I really do. I'm not going to pretend like you guys
are the best friends I've ever had, because frankly I have
been realizing the opposite. Never in my life have I had
to work so hard to make sure my friends were actually my
friends. I've never seen people go behind people's backs,
lie to each other and just do mean things in general, as
much as I've seen with my friends this year. I don't care
if you hate me for what I have to say because it's true.
All of it. And it obviously isn't going to change. I wish
people could take lessons on how to be a friend. If there
was something that did this I would buy it for my "friends"
and make sure they did every lesson. I've never been so
alone in my life. And to be quite sarcastic "Thank
you! has been wonderful about
you?"...and of course there is plenty more I could say, but
I wouldn't want to be too offensive.

I don't know if I even want to play volleyball. It's funny
how something can make you so excitited and then you go to
tell your best friend and she's anything but excited.
Thanks again. Wow...we're on a role aren't we?

I'm sick and tired of being around anyone. I seriously
just wish there was some way out. Someway that I could
just get out of going to New Mexico, Hume, any SMT
meeting..anything. I just want to get out. I can't take
it anymore. I really can't. This year has sucked beyond
all belief...and this summer is going to suck to. Unless
for some reason some nice friends drop out of the sky. I
doubt it. My luck isn't that good.

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