Nasethray

Book of Dreams
2003-06-12 04:51:12 (UTC)

Depression

it's wednesday
clear skies until the afternoon
then camethe rain clouds with the sadness
it strikes me like lightning-i don't know when it'scoming
it's very hard to hold your head high when you're struck
with
Depression.
i had two nightmares last night
my momwas crushed by a jeep
then derek wasmurdered by an anonymous girl
fuck i wake up shaking and about to cry
when i heard the sound when dereksigned on i jumped outof
bed and skidded tothe computer
so nervous, so scared.what if it had really happened?
you know, life is really a hunk of cheap bullshit.
i had two visions too
i was walking along the main road to the mall (right
outside my apartment complex) and this car of drunk
teenagers decides to hit me
so they hit me on the sidewalk
it was around 1 in the morning.
i layed there on thesidewalk, midsection in blood
and i wrote CAITLIN next to my head,as i was walking to
meetup with her halfwayto her neighborhood. (why?)
the second one..
there were people in a church,stained glass windows,
beautiful flowers, full house,and a priest at the front
everyone had their heads down in prayer,then priest
was "preaching" and a girl walked down the aisletowards
the priest...
then it was dark in my mind
"and all of us tremble before God. Amen" ended the priest
and everyone looked up in horror as a headless bloody
jesus hung on the large golden cross at the head of the
church.
gorgeous things going on my mind,eh?
i haven't had a good conversation with derek in a while
makes me feel worse
i know he cares for me
but i keep feeling like
we're gonna get in a fight
before i visit
then i'll be upset
and all that shit.
i don't see any kind of future for me.
not at all.
all i see is images of me dying/deadin my head.
maybe i'll commit suicide
and therest of my existance i'll be wondering around
hauntingthe area i loved,or lived in.
myelbowhurts
nose itches
-_- zit zit zit
ZITITCH
ITCHZIT
MAW
_ _;
it's 1230am
pastmidnight
morning.
sunrises in 5 or 6 hours
i'm supposed to call someone
oh,right
i wish ididn't have babyfat
it really upsets meabout my appearance
also my mout is extremely small and it is now at the point
of curving downwards because i never smile.
fucksmiling
i'd much rather cut myself than smile.
i'vebeen ditzy and banging my legs all over
everything...boxes...edgeofbedthatsticksoutPERFECTLY-_-
...STUFF......yep.....
i need some nice mushy kisses
maybe french kisses
those are kind of weird though
i wonderwhat kissing a boy is like?
i saw this whore at the gym this evening
god
she was such a whore
XD
her ass was practically hangingout and she had the ugliest
tan
her legs were weird
disgusting dried up BLONDE BLONDE FUZZY hair tiedup on her
head like a prep .......*looks at hair* HEY it's in a bun!
and it's NOT FUZZY BLONDE!-_- anyways.....
i've been plahying zelda a bit
i've lost my interest in video games
probably becausei don't have anyone wh's better than me to
play,sadly :( not to boast or anything!
girls are pretty,but man do they SUCK!!!!!!!!!!^_^ except
when you need a soft shoulder or an ear or an eye or
whatever otherbody parts you like to exchange with people -
_-; j/p
writing makesme feel bettersorta
i wish my spacebar worked though, i woiuld typeawhole lot
moreand a lot faster.
maybe.like.this?
nah.
wish i had cartoon network...
toonami...
my midnight snack...@_@
wish derek would talk to me..oh well..might as well
getready for bed...
sorry i haven't written in forever! with allofthe
reminders too........*slaps self*..ow :P

~
i love myself
iwant you to love me
when i feel down
i want you above me
i've lost myself
i want you to find me
i forgot myself
i want you to remind me
i dunno about anybody else
lalalalala when i touch myself
i dunno about anybody else
i want to see how much you adore me,
get down on your knees and do anything for me
~
~Lauren
hm...looks like it's lauren's diary
i'm sure she won't mind if i use it a bit...
today was a busy day
i went to the magic & potion shop in Kakariko Village.
what a busy place it is..but anyway..
no one was in the shop so i madesome bargains with the
keeper and got myself a few new spells to master ^_^.
i hope i can enhance DeReK's basic magic skills.
he'd be a wonderful sorcerer (an attractive one too!)
my daughter is tricky.
she loves to make me mad.
but that's just how teenagers are, right?
i'm sure she'll grow out of it...after i make her wash the
floors by hand when she does something bad!
I wish to go spend time with DeReK ~_~
he was out training again today.
i've noticed a lot of things about him i never did
before..i watched him battle in a tournament today.
so quick and nimble..graceful almost! ;) except for that
trip over the pole..almost cost him the match! hm..
i also eavesdroppedon some of his conversations,nothing
private of course. i AMhis wife afterall..i should know
what he's doing away from home...it seems reasonable...?
i do hope i'm a good parent :( hopefully betterthan my
parents.
best go see DeReK, he should be home now,and hungry ^_^
toodles ~Halo




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