daccn

I am not a clerk
2003-06-11 20:18:11 (UTC)

is contentment to be fought?

Well, my final exam is tomorrow in my computer course. I
haven't studied at all, not even opened the textbook. If I
had an ounce of motivation I would be panicking right now,
but as things stand...I will type here instead.

Am I emotionally stagnant? Did my development as a human
being halt completely at age ten? It's entirely possible.
But it's not something I'm inclined to worry about; I'm
content being me. I like the person that I am and I do not
wish to be different. Sometimes I think life would be much
easier if I were a little more extroverted or organized or
charming or whatever, and it probably would be, but - I
would no longer be me. This is not arrogance (at least I
don't think it is), but I enjoy having a sense of identity.

One quotation I enjoy is from that website
(www.nobodyhere.com/justme) - "The notion that I am me is
like a pebble in my shoe." I feel that way sometimes, but
not today.

I spent all morning famished, having had little food of
nutritional value in the past few days. I went to the
grocery store and bought bagels, and blueberries and cream -
and after consumption, I am satisfied and content. I have
yet to eat the blueberries, but am enjoying the
anticipation of eating them.

Well, I should probably think about studying. It's not as
though I have much to worry about - my marks are excellent
and I think I have a good grasp of the material. But I've
been a victim of my own academic overconfidence before.

As for those blueberries...I'll pour cream on them now, and
eat them while listening to some particularly gushy and
sumptuous music. And do my best to think of computer
science.




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