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Breaking Free: The Binding Depression
2003-06-11 18:20:31 (UTC)

Life Suddenly Got Confusing...

Life was easy... I mean, nothing perfect, but for a while
there I'd trained myself to be almost unaware... or at
least un-hurt by all that goes on... why is it that it's
always neccessary to fuck up that kind of happiness?

Ok so I know I haven't written in a LOOOONG time,
definately at LEAST a month or two... but like I said, I'd
just been happy enough.
That is, until a few days ago.

Things that have fucked up my happiness:
1. Me...
2. The Rules of Life
a) You have to stay with one person, no moving around.
b) You have to feel Guilty
c) If you do something wrong, you keep it quiet.
(there are more, but those are basically what are messing
with my head...)
3. A certain person who, along with me, made a perfectly
wrong but seemingly good at the time decision that's come
to hurt so much now...

I'm not used to being unable to figure out what's going on
in people's heads, or at least convince myself I know what
they're thinking. At the moment, it only adds to my
confusion of recent events that I have no idea what the
other involved is thinking.

It seems that I can no longer say that things how they are
are good, and that I like them, because I honestly don't.

I am definately not looking for drama, or trying to
make 'loops'... but it's so impossible to ignore things or
for them to go back to how they usually are, tho I wish I
could... God, I wish I could just have things be normal
again...

And does it make someone a bad person if they can just
easily act as if everything's going wonderfully and make
you feel like maybe nothing did happen...
I mean, you know something happened, and it's killing you,
and yet it seems that the other person involved isn't
suffering at all from it, not even reacting to it at all...
If that makes you a bad person, then... it seems to me that
He is fully guilty of sin...

Maybe it's just being sick that's messing me up, tho I know
it isn't... I just wish you'd talk to me, make it make
sense...

Message of the Entry: Maybe it's best to just let things
get messy and hard, because that's how you really find out
where fate is leading you...




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