Katie

Wanna Hear About my Day?
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2003-06-11 02:27:14 (UTC)

Marriage

> MARRIAGE (PART I)

> >

> > A typical macho man married a typical

> > good-looking lady and, after the wedding, laid down the

> > following rules:"I'll be home when I want, if I want,

> > and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle

> > from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table

> > unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing,

> > boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old

> > buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

> > Those are my rules. Any comments?"

> >

> > His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.

> > Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven

> > o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

> >

> > MARRIAGE (PART II)

> >

> > A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the

> > day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband

> > yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

> > that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever.'"

> > "Yeah?!" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting

> > you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -

> > "Stiff at last."

> >

> > MARRIAGE (PART III)

> >

> > A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the

> > breakfast table. The husband gets up in a rage and

> > says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms

> > out of the house.

> >

> > After sometime he realizes he was nasty and

> > decides to make amends and rings her up.

> > She comes to the phone after many rings and the

> > irritated husband says, "What took you so long to

> > answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed."

> > "What are you doing in bed at this hour?"

> > "Getting a second opinion!"

> >

> > MARRIAGE (PART IV)

> >

> > A man has six children and is very proud of his

> > achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts

> > calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.

> >

> > One night, they go to a party. The man decides

> > that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his

> > wife is ready to leave as well.

> >

> > He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we

> > go home, Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her

> > husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,

> > "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

> >

> > MARRIAGE (PART V)

> >

> > A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the

> > bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he

> > finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket,

> > then he asks the bartender to prepare another double

> > martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks

> > inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to

> > bring another double martini.

> > The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya'

> > martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you

> > look inside your shirt pocket before you order a

> > refill."

> >

> > The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my

> > wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's

> > time to go home."

> >

> > MARRIAGE (PART VI)

> >

> > A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a

> > check up. The doctor told her she needed more

> > cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she

> > engage in sexual activity three times a week.

> > A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor,

> > "Please tell my husband."

> >

> > The doctor went out into the waiting room and

> > told the husband that his wife needed sex three times

> > a week. The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?"

> > The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

> > would be ideal.

> >

> > The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday and

> > Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the
bus.


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