Jack's Twisted Kingdom
Cyber Sex Gone Wrong
I got this from a friend of mine, gord, who for whatever reasons, enojys cybering,
personally, i've never seen the point, but then i tend to have more fun when
someone is there with me, lol...
Unfortunately, it's going to make the page about 3 miles long.
Gord is the bloodninja, eminem and wellhung... I think... lol
I apologise now to all those who enjoy cybering.. i really do...
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat
me nice aight?
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you,
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe
and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a
real beautiful woman.
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before
casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty
Shlong of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever.
This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the
mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl.
1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist,
because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my
lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the
robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for
destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist
Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how
long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert
you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's
just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They
fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a
Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my
tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My
horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility,
is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine
remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll
suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and
massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to
message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time
I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me
kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or
bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts
INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more
sexy for me?
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage
my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber
waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was
thinking more along the lines of carrots and
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: crap baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your
love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm
and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my
cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your
eyes. Now you can't see.
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for
Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the
back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up
Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza
just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is
Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you
the specials, and then you would make your order. So
that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house
now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to
cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're
in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I
put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as
hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and
I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open
the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I
penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The
mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce
is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As
you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass.
Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and
smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a
miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My
are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses
and I have on
a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from
wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce
on it from
dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music
playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm
looking up into
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding
it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The
slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster,
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and
accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy
black bra.My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I
think it's stuck.
Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want
to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your,
breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair.
nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered
with spit and
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with
the remains of
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
I drop it with
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is
going all over,
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly.
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you
keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back
in the cabinet.
And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's
dark, I'm lost.
Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I
want you so
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you
bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my
face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them.
I place the
glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me,
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly
across the room
and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm
feeling around for
the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the
but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your
Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,
blindly feeling my
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know
your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so
nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning.
I can't stand
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an
on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my
floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm
putting on my
underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find
the night table.
I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of
picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting
on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on.
My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on
fire! I'm pointing
at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!