listen to my silences
Ad 2:
2003-06-09 18:52:09 (UTC)

ranting and raving

so if i don't write about you, you're not a friend of mine,
is that it? it's my responsibility to call you when i work
forty hours a week and not yours so when i can't or don't
you're not a friend of mine, is that it? guess what, i
hadn't talked to brodie except maybe once when we hung out
all day and then on his graduation on saturday. i didn't
mention him in my diary. or adrian. who i didn't talk to
until saturday at graduation. and who i didn't write
about. nobody special? what do you want me to say? that
my life revolves around you? that i'm stuck in the past?
i can't. it doesn't. i'm not. i'm not trying to drift.
fine, don't believe me. i'm not asking you to. and i do
see something wrong with the picture. i'm not asking you
to believe that either. there are a lot of things that
have been going on with me. but you'll see what you want
to. you say that i'm ignoring you. have i or have i not
picked up the phone when it rang? and you don't know
whether i've called or not, considering i don't leave a
message when i do call. if it's anything about me not
wanting to talk late at night, it's because it's late at
night. i'm not perfect. so quit expecting me to be. i
said i'd be here when you needed me to be. if you lie to
me then how am i supposed to be here for you? how am i
supposed to know that no i don't need to talk means yes i
do? and you have no right to yell at me for spending time
with brandon. you know how you are when you're with
someone, but i guess i'm not allowed to be, right?

i just can't win with you can i?

end of this part of the entry. onto being pissed about
something else.

grow up! oh mi gosh mature. please. jealousy? i can't
help what your situation is. don't try to hinder or hurt
mine. i didn't do anything to deserve that as far as i
know. but i guess i wouldn't know since you won't talk
about it, huh? go ahead take all the responsibility, which
by the way has been taken by someone else, upon yourself
and then make them feel incompetent. and me feel like
crap. when i didn't do anything wrong.

get your facts straight before you fly off the handle.

keeps yourself from being burned by your own steam.

and onto a few other random things i'm tired of and pissed

work. that's why you're there.
secrets. yeah okay that'll keep things together.
lie. it makes me feel so much better about you.

brandon and i didn't get this weekend off to go to
tiffany's and melanie's weddings. even though we requested
off four weeks ago. seriously, it's been that long. four
weeks is long enough to think ahead and schedule someone
else, who is available, to work during that time. i told
nancy yesterday that even if i can't find someone to cover
for me i'm not coming in. she was like umm...okay...and
brandon was going to also. but he found someone who's
working with him so that he can go. so far i've had no
luck. at all. oh well. i'll call in if i have to. which
they know. brandon didn't take the job at the other
place. which by the way is called kimtrusion. not sure
how to spell that. he was so pissed yesterday when we got
our schedules that he almost walked out. i thought for
sure he was going to. but he called allied and is going to
go back to work for them. they have a position, he just
has to turn his application in for records. like i did at
kmart. his last day is going to be at the end of this
coming schedule if possible, so next wednesday. he'll be

we spent until two thirty in the morning talking the other
night after kmart's parking lot. it was really
good. different from...any kind of conversation i've ever
had. i don't know. i don't understand it really. but i
like it. hmm...

i'm not really pissed at anybody. just at situations. i'm
just...frustrated right now. i need to get stuff sorted
out with a lot of things. and there's just...there's never
enough time.

i don't know.

k well i have to go check my grades. then go to work and
be on checkouts. suck suck suck. blah. i'm there six
hours so i don't even get a lunch. urgh. i need a
massage...a mental massage. k well later all.

final thought: time always goes too fast, and all the time
in the world would never be enough

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