Mari

chosenone
2003-06-08 21:04:57 (UTC)

Break-Up

I did it again. I managed to screw up another relationship.
Lindsay and I broke up this morning. Last night at Kelly
and Devon's graduation party I had a drink. I knew that I
shouldn't have and I felt really bad about it after but I
couldn't really change the fact that I did it. Lindsay said
that she was frustrated and tired of the repeated missing
up that I do. I understand where she is coming from. I am
doing a lot better now and I've been clean for a really
long time so I'm also kind of upset with myself. She said
this isn't going to work and that maybe if I deal with some
things on my own we can try it again. But also that I will
get over her. I don't know. I love her with all of my heart
and soul and I truely want to spend the rest of my life
with her. I don't want her to be in a relationship that
she doesn't want to be in but I think she really loves me
as much as I love her. On one hand I'm glad that we are
going to be friends and I know that it's my fault that it
is that way. On the other hand I'm hoping she's just
freaking out about college and that she'll realize that no
matter what comes along we can make it through together. I
don't want her to think I'm using her as a crutch so I'm
going to get better to show her that I can be what she
needs. I love Lindsay and I really don't want to lose her.
I'm hoping that she loves me as much as I think she does
and as much as I love her. I know we get in arguements but
I've always thought if two people love eachother enough
nothing can keep them apart. I know I love Lindsay enough
to prove to her that I'm better. I just hope she loves me
enough to forgive me and let this work. We broke up and I
can handle that because I'm hoping with god's help we can
be good friends. I'm also hoping that she just needed some
space and our love will make it through this. Do you think
I'm in complete denile and that is never going to happen?
Or do you think I should keep some hope for our love and
know that it will make it through this time? Please give me
some advice I'm going out of my mind. Also this thing
called project graduation, people are locked in the school
for one last night of hanging out, is coming up and she
invited me. A lot of my friends are going to be there but I
don't want to go if it's going to make her feel wierd. What
do you think I should do about that? Well I have to go do
some homework. Hope to hear from you all soon.
Mari




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