2003-06-05 06:51:39 (UTC)


im sitting here, watching this movie called happiness

i saw it in the movie theatres when it came out. angelika

i liked it, its of course about miserable people.

i was just outside having a ciggarette and thinking.
thinking about how sinse i stopped working, this month off i
have, how i've been living largely in fantasy, which is
usually the case when im not in school or working. who am i
kidding. its always the case, just nore so when i have
nothing pressingl exernal.

thinking about being married to chris. how he said on the
bus after the game, that i never even got to see how good he
could be to me.

thinking about him going away and me at home with the kid
and him cheating on me in vegas or miami and what i would do.

i dont even know if i even want kids, if i even want to ever
be married

thinking about that email i got from work, offering me a
summer position couclening transfer students.
how cool that sounds. that probably wouldnt sound so cool to
many other people but i would love that. tutoring and
thinking about if i will ever have the time or guts to
really write. will i?

how no matter where or what i am in life, that will alwyas
be my hope, my dream, my goal, the one thing that makes life
most definately have meaning. is my writing. and how i can
never let it go.
i need to find the guts and the time. and i need to stop
being so hard on myself.

let things be as easy as they can be.