*MaNMaDeOFaSHes-

My Perfect Waste of Time
2003-06-05 03:55:13 (UTC)

illusions wrapped in my disillusions

No expectations or modivation
whatever it is that is inside of me
I created
I made this
I am who I am what I am (I AM)
and sometimes I wonder
why don't I give a damn?

I have been falling into past memories
my mind is slipping
my heart is starting to bleed--->
(to death?) I must confess
being in love feels like a need
and the feeling is my feelings still exist
I have a wish but it is unrealistic
I am resistant to look back
a heart still intertwined with its own painful past
I try to distract myself from what feels the same
I look up at the clouds all alone and play
solitary picture games

what I have been thinking is I am sinking
back into the same old same
I wonder about the thoughts in her head
and wonder, do I still have a place?
Have I already been erased?
Could the memories of my face
already deteriorated into empty space?

I know my thoughts
should not go this way...




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