Fellinlovewithbenji

You think you know, but you have no idea
2003-06-04 02:32:46 (UTC)

~*~More than that...~*~

*Baby, you deserve much better. What's the use in holding
on? Don't you see its now or never. Cuz I just cant be
friends, baby knowing in the end that I will love you more
than that. I won't say the words, then take them back.
Don't give loneliness a chance, baby listen to me when I
say..I will love you more than that.*-Nick Carter's solo

you know what, I am so over my "boy band" phase. But
sometimes when Im just thinking about things that are goin
on in my life, I d/l certain songs by nsync or bsb and they
totally fit into whats goin on around me. its crazy.

i've been thinking about this whole online thing with
ray..and im starting to get nervous. see, today my sister
told my dad how im talking to someone online. and he kinda
flipped out. he was like, "mary you dont even know this
guy, he is prolly 50 yrs old, a rapist or a killer. you
never know. you shouldnt talk to people you dont know." and
now that i think about it, even tho i have seen his
picture..it could have been anyone. his son, or some random
guy he talks to online. but i donno. i trust ray. alot. and
relationships are based on trust, correct? so then, how can
i have a relationship with him if i cant trust him! i just
want to call him sometime, and hear his voice. i mean, he
should be moving down here soon (or so he says) and im
gettin anxtious. i donno. i need to have some faith. maybe
its god trying to help me move on from mike. and if it is,
its about damn time. lol

anyways, i had a headache today and so i took a nap. right
now im just so exhausted from michelle. she's stayed home
these past 2 days with strep throat, and she has just been
driving me fucking crazy. i think its cuz of her that i got
my headache. lol. ah well, she should be going back
tomorrow anyways, so its all good.

yeah im pretty pissed cuz i realized billy blocked me on
aim, that stupid fucker. im pissed. i didnt want things to
be like that between me and him. honestly, that is why i
was scared to break up with him in the first place. and
here i am, not going out with him...still wanting to be
friends and he fucking blocks me. ugh, whatever. im so over
it. i just dont like making people upset, and i seemed to
have done that with him...

anyways, tomorrow is weds..so the week has gone by kinda
fast. i have to work tomorrow tho. and watch, i bet ray
doesnt have to work tomorrow. i will be fucking pissed!
lol. ah well..im gonna get goin. xoxo




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