champagne supernova
2003-06-03 05:52:48 (UTC)

girls really do kick ass

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I don't live off
of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my
buddies about my erections; I won't drive to Hell before I
ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties and act
like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat
down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt;
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I
don't go around “re-adjusting” my crotch; or yell like
Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in
public, I don't scratch my behind.

I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm
a woman, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have body hair
like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover
my back; when I lean over you can't see three inches of
crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb;
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few
hairs pulled from over the side; I'm a woman, you know -
I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a
privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I
pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball; I
don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you
my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my
pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make
you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see; forget all
about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I
don't cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or
think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful,
it's true; I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!