Infiniterocker

just this once...??

When I got home from work today, Chelsea and Mariko were at
my house. I reallllly don't get along with Mariko..she is
one of those artists that thinks she is so much better than
everyone else that her telling you your art is "good, you
really could grow into something great" is the biggest
possible compliment EVER. So .....after going to Spider
House we acted like we were going to just go home or
something and she left. Chelsea, Stephanie and I ended up
going to Stevey's.....that was a lot of fun. I'll tell you
though I was text messaging Mike..and I got the idea he
didn't even want to talk to me. I know I will never have
Mike. I know it will never be like that...but we have a
weird ass relationship. I love sleeping next to him but he
hardly even touches me let alone holds me while we're in
bed. He never kisses me...and I'm saying all this knowing
that his mind is made up...and it will never change..and I
know you're thinking "and she is surprised at him not
touching/kissing her?"--I know.
I hate the idea that I miss him more than he does me.
I hate the idea that I still want to sleep next to him
regardless of the fact that he doesn't hold me...as much as
it hurts me sometimes...
I'm just needy in general.
Is it really so much to ask...to want a man to go out of
HIS way for ME ...for ONCE? ..I always give so much. I
always put myself on the line.
I'm afraid of the day that I'm going to lose my best friend
to the new girl that takes over my side of the bed...and
there will be an end one day, he's made that clear.
I just wish ---what the fuck am I saying?
What the hell is the matter with me??