looking past it all

through being cool
2003-06-01 02:49:14 (UTC)

how many ways can i kill myself?

I want to fucking die, or kill someone. Which ever would
be more gratifying! I want nothing more right now than to
get so shit-faced i cant talk, or walk, or think!
my mom thinks i'm a fucking alcholic/pot-head/whore maybe
i should be! since she already thinks that why shouldnt i
go ahead and do it! fuck her! maybe i should go live at
my dads, i dont get to do shit when i'm here anyways! it
wouldnt be any differnt there! except i wouldnt have to
deal w/ my parental figure being shit faced all of the
time!
maybe i'll start fucking, maybe i'll become a pot-head, or
even better i'll start snorting lines of coke.....how do
you like that mom? I'll get pregnante and drop out of
school! How about i drop out of school and become a
fucking carnie! there we go!
I've never been so fucking pissed off in my entire life!
I've never actually thought seriously about killing
myself! Until about 20 mins ago. I layed in my bed and
thought of all of the good ways to kill myself! Not
painful just good, and easy, and i want it to look grusome
too so that way my mom will feel bad afterwards! I want to
leave a note stating: "mother you're a fucking bitch i
killed myself because i hate you and you hate me...its a
mutual feeling! Why dont you go buy my perfect little
brother something, we wouldnt want him to feel bad or be
deprived of anything. Fuck you all! GO to hell!"---yes
that is what it would say!
why does everyone want someone elses life?! Natasha
always talks about how her mom does nice things for her,
and how she took katy shopping and bought her a swimming
suite but since natasha didnt get anythign her mom bought
her a shirt too! the last time i went shopping with my
mom she bought my brother a whole new fucking wardrobe,
and i asked for a pair or shorts, and she said " no you
have a job you can buy them yourself" what kind of mother
makes their 16 year old daughter buy her own fucking
clothes....mine!
My mom wonders why i'm mean to her! my mom wonders why i
get mad at her all of the time!
Tonight it the 1st night in a long time i've missed matt!
when my mom and i fought he always used to tell me what a
bitch she was, and how i didnt deserve to be bitched at
like that! But tonight my friends told me my mom was a
bitch and that she is unfair, but it wasnt the same! I'd
give anything to have a bowl packed for me right now.




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