BlueEyes

OneSubjectObsession
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2003-06-01 02:30:52 (UTC)

Stepping Back

So I've been told yet again how manipulative...and was
provided with the viewpoint that "she's only nice to you
when you're doing stuff for you...as in, when she doesn't
need help, you're not worth talking to." So yeah, I'm
back to the whole friendship of convienience thing
again...and in a way, it doesn't bother me,after all, I am
getting stuff out of it. However, what bugs me is that I
can't stop thinking about her...Like even when I think of
her now, there are no emotions that I feel...just this
sorta loss at all that once was so to speak. And talking
to her, I don't feel anything, or see the cuteness or
anything right now...and like I said...right now. Who
knows what will happen next week...? But right now, I'm
over her. Saw her today and was like "man she's still
hot!" But I didn't feel that emotional connection, the
tension between us isn't there anymore (as in she doesn't
care, and I don't care anymore and we've accepted that
we're just using each other) so yeah. There's nothing
between us right now, no sex, no love, not even
friendship...I just feel...nothing. As in we're in a
working relationship and that's it...so let's see how long
I can maintain this facade...cuz I'm sure it is (conscious
or unconscious).
I'm excited about my new job with the TB's on the
track...and that was her doing...but she probably only did
it because Gary wanted her to do it again and she didn't
want to and instead of telling him no, she decided that
finding someone else would be better off for her.
And that bugs me...I don't like to assume the worst of
people, I don't think it's fair...but then again, I'm
tired of being her slave just because I believe that what
she's doing is perfectly good and with the best
intentions...maybe I need to talk to her...


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