My Heart and Soul....
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2003-05-30 04:17:59 (UTC)


OMG! I'm still alive!?!?! :-O hahahahahaha...can you believe

Holy shit, I have SO much shit that I haven't written about!
It's almost the end of may!!! Uhhmmm....maybe I should
start WAY back....I went to the Senior Prom on May 10th.
Disaster does not even begin to describe my night. It
started off when we passed my mom on her way to work when we
were on our way home...so the ONE thing that I was going to
get to do for my senior year, my mom missed. Started having
a panic attack. Got to Gabs house to get ready, and I
started throwing up. Made it through pictures, and about a
mile down the road. Ended up spending the first two hours of
prom in the bathroom. :- The after party was alright, minus
the fact that my boyfriend was playing cling on, cause he
insisted on coming, even though he didn't know anyone, so
while I was trying to walk around and talk to people that I
haven't seen since like New Years Eve, he was following me,
giving all the guys I talked to dirty looks. It was a LONG
night. The next day, my mom and I had a major fight...which
resulted in me leaving. This is the first time I've been
home since. Yea....but my mom and I are spending the weekend
together, and we are going to try to patch things up. I
think I'm going to move back in here, cause I'll be leaving
in a month......details to follow.....

Ok....what else? uhhmm....Amber came home! That makes me
happy. We have all been hanging out for the last week, and
it has been great!!!!! I love this time of year, and I'm so
happy that everyone is together still.

Speaking of Amber....I've been talking to her, and my
parents, and thinking a lot, and the decisions rests as
this: I am going back to Florida with her. She's already
told her parents that they'll have one more kid, and hr boss
that she'll have a new employee. I'm scared to death, and I
know Im going to miss my mom more than anything in the
world, and leaving her will probably be the hardest thing I
have ever had to do. But I have to do it. I can't stay here,
there is nothing here for me. I have to go, and start fresh.
New state, new school, new me. I can't wait. Hopefully I
will only be at the community college for one year, then I
want to transfer into Fl state. I might wait two years
though, IDK yet!!!!! But I am definately going to FL....

The hitch in that plan: Joshua. He wants to come with me.
And like I've said a million times, it's not that I don't
love him, I just think this is something I have to do for
myself. And, if I'm going to be cutting ties with New York,
I think that means my boyfriend from NY too. I love him, and
maybe someday down the road....but right now....Josh still
reminds me of David, and David is part of a past that I am
putting FAR behind me. Friends, of course I will keep.
Although THATS not gonna be easy, since my best friend told
me last week that she got into a college at Niagra Falls.
Thats sad, because I'm going to miss her. :-( She's been my
best friend for the hardest years of my life, and no one
will ever be able to take her place. Yea.....so obviously
this is going to be a challenge for me. But I am tough, and
I can do it.

Alright, I think I'm going to go steal a minute with my mom,
cause we haven't had a chance to talk in a long time! I'll
prolly fill in some more tomorrow....there is a LOT more to
fill in!

Talk to you soon!!!