Tight719's Girl

This is ME
2003-05-30 02:04:03 (UTC)

lazy. i feel lazy. dont even..

lazy. i feel lazy. dont even want to take a shower.
dont want to study. i dont wanna do shit. want to make
people feel better. want to spend time with Tim. Want to
feel his arms around me. want to make love. want to never
leave his side. want to be done with fucking school. want
to be out of this damn city. want to live in a house. not
just a room. want a job.
im exhausted. i havent done much the past few days except
listen to music, drink, and stay up real late being real
observant. Im tired of everything about this town. im tired
of the rich people who think they own the world and im
tired of being so hot in this fucking room. im tired of
missing my boyfriend so much that i cant do anything but
sit and stare at a slient phone and pray that he calls....
i need a change....but i have to ride out this gay ass ride
first. im frustrated with school. im frustrated with
myself.
the last two times that i drank i ended up crying about how
bad a student ive become. or about the past. its
embarrasing....only you cant stop yourself. i need to get
away. i need a change of scene.....i need a lot of
things.....i need to stop feeling like this.
i feel like if im not careful im gonna fall and when i get
back up....everything that i care about will be gone. and
ill be alone....
in psych class..i learned that when people have been
seriously depressed and they are treated and
recover....that the brain learns how to be depressed and
its easier for one to relapse.....
i think that sometimes, well it doesnt matter.
i would never. i have to much to live for.
i hate life sometimes though. you can't win all the time
and life is a bitch.
you cant make everyone happy and you cant take away thier
pain.....(thats the one i hate the most).

i feel meaningless...i just need to finish this quarter and
have a good time with my one week break before i start with
school again......
shit...this place depresses me....there are memories here
that id rather not remember. and there are things that i
wish i could hide from. sometimes people.
im glad that i wont be living with strangers next year. or
with people that i dont like. I LOVE YOU GIRLS!
yes. okay. done now anna?
good.
get to it.





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