Welcome to own demise
2003-05-30 00:54:29 (UTC)

ignorance is sooo not bliss

so i did probably THE most bone head thing ever yesterday.

so i rolled yesterday......... yea popped the pill during
1st period...oh yes thats right........ i was in
school! .........YEA.

it hit me super hard and 3rd period i was flippin out bc i
was rollin so hard i texted dave and told him to come get
me, i texted my dad asked him to call me out, he didnt but
i didnt care i left. god i was soo scared. i called albert
and was talkin to him bout it, he thought it was pretty
damn funny. i ended up walking half way home b4 dave found
me. he went to drive me home and my dad was still home so
he took me to his house, i was there for like an hour
maybe 2 on the phone with albert most of the time. then he
took me home.

i had voicemails from my dad.... well only one. but it was
enough. hes not at all mad about me skipping school.
suprisingly. ortega called him to tell him the 3rd test
came back positive and so i have to go in and have a bi-
opsy or however its spelled. and then after they get the
results of that i have to have the surgery, and then go in
for paps every 3 months until they come back negative. so
no sex or tampons til then. im gonna be living wiht albert
this summer and no sex at all, nothin at all can go in me.
i can go without sex, but i HATE pads. grrr... i didnt go
to school today bc i didnt sleep at all last night. i was
on the phone til 430 with mr man bc he was packing and
wanted some company, so naturally i was called. its ok tho.

my dad found out i was home this morning, i told him i
missed my ride bc i over slept. and he called my school
called me out and excused my ditching yesterday. i love my
dad. even after i got off the phone with albert i couldnt
sleep tho. it wasnt until my alarm went of was i able to
kind of drift into a half assed sleep. i cant stop
thinking about shit. i cant like emprty my mind and be
able to sleep./ i was talkin to my mom this mornign i told
her i think its stress... shes like either stress or
depression, i told her maybe its both...

am i depressed again man? that would suck. but i mean
things are starting to work out for me... but i am
stressed... bc im soo torn b/w what i want and what i
should do. i kinda wanna live with my mom, im sick of the
scene here, same ol same ol..... same stupid school,
phoney ass kids, same no plan weekends... if i stay out by
my mom id be goin back to durfee, and guillermos
graduating early from there, so if he can graduate early
im sure i can graduate on time. ya know? and if i stay at
maine south, the only way id graduate on time is if i do
tons of night school and summer school and have no free
periods and whatnot.... not fun... and id have ot do it on
my own bc my dad is really into giving me my independance
but hes like not just giving me independance hes like
making me do everythign on my own even stuff that he
should be doin for me or helping me with ya know.... blah.

god i did 4 bumps of coke less tha an hour ago.... i feel
great. im bout to go to alberts house too..... i cant tell
him what i did, but i want to. i hate keeping things from
him, especially bout drugs. i always tell him everything
bout what i do and when.... should i tell him or just keep
it to myself? i think ill keep it to myself. im gonna do
somemore b4 i leave here tho... i gotta go see if papa san
is ready to go so he can take me over there..... blah i
dont wanna go to school tomorrow.... but im gonna! yes
lucia yes, u're goin to school tomorrow... but i dont
wanna!!!!!!! grrr... im imssing school on monday and
thursday and friday next week, so i need to go
tomorrow.... blah... i wish summer would hurry up and get
here man...