rainbowbrightchica

my diary that i write in when im bored,
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2003-05-29 17:29:06 (UTC)

*cry*

aahh. i hate being confused! last night, me and casey had a
huge talk. about breaking up. and he's leaving it alll uppp
to me. and i really am so confused. the problem is, i was
crying and i felt like we had broken up, which means, thats
what im gonna end up doing. i had a pro's and con's list.
or a break up stay list. the break up out ruled the stay,
for logical reasons. the main one on the stay list was, i
like him still. the cons... was like we have no time. this
isn't a good time to persue a relationship. and then theres
the whole long distance thing. if we lived close it would
be easier. but he lives like 2 hours away. i always
discourage long distance relationships. then i went and got
in one. *sigh* besides. right now im just so confused with
everything i dont want to waste his time. or get in too
deep and then break his heart. im worried tho, that if we
break up, ill get over him, and he wont get over me, or
he'll get over me and i wont get over him. andthen theres
if we stay together, i dont want o get in to deep because
what if my feelings just go away or his do? i hate break
ups. besides. we never see each other. its not exactly the
best relationship. ah. i was so worried about this when we
first started going out. i know ive bene praying for a few
weeks now, well more like months, that if we broke up, it
would be a mutual agreement. and, well he told me he'd
respect me either way, and that he understands bot hways,
and he's leaving it up to me. so well. i told kenny, i
wonder if this is a sign from God?? and casey said, "if u
love something badly enough youll let it go, and if it's
meant to be it'll come back to you" and im like well. so. i
think that we're gonna end up breaking up the next time i
talk to him. i told him i would think about it. i did last
night but i didnt tell him when we just talked. i didnt
know if i should yet. i need to think it out still. any way
im gonna go write kirby. bye.


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