lindsay ann

somewhere in between
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2003-05-29 04:45:54 (UTC)

for 7-eleven

as in, oh thank heaven. thank heaven that life changes and that
emotions change. thank heaven that while i base a lot of
decisions upon emotions, what matters is my intellect and the
things i decide while i'm wrestling with God, not the stupid catty
remarks i make in the middle of a weird day/week/month/chunk of
time. this has been a weird phase...

i'm laying it out here...i want things God doesn't want me to want
sometimes...and you know one of those things...and thank
goodness i didn't get it because it would have made trouble in life,
plus pissed me off a month later when i realized God didn't want it
for me. and then i wanted material stuff too...and it's being held
back. basically God's saying that He's all i need. duh. but even
stuff/people that God would for sure approve of in general, and for
some good person, He would not approve of for me.

and i feel a lot of my girlish emotions wearing off...not that i'm
suddenly the emblem of maturity...but i understand that i'm not the
center of the universe, that i won't be marrying anyone i meet in
high school, that very few things last forever, that doing only what
makes me happy is dumb...etc...i feel a lot of the giddyness i
participate in sort of taking a backseat...i guess this all contributes
to my huge desire to move on and go to college and meet my
surfing pastor husband and have our six kids and whatnot. and, i
guess, the desire to get out of drama. i'm tired of it and i refuse to
play whatever part i was playing in it. i've washed my hands of
joe...except as a catastrophic event, just the realization
that there's no need for me to waste time not being someone's
friend when all i essentially want to be is his friend.

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