Meesa and Leglin's secret pi

moshing kiwis
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2003-05-25 00:51:06 (UTC)

later days

well, today's the first day that im living with leesa. my
dad is making his way to greece right now, going to my mom
for the next two weeks. i feel a guilty that i couldn't
keep our family and house running smoothly on my own, i
look around myself all the time the past few weeks and all
i can see is out of control. i know living with leesa will
be fun, i hope she doesn't come back too late today, she
was saying not until 12 or 1 in the morning...*sigh* it's
4:30...hmmm...another (let me see if i can do math today)
roughly 8 hours till she's back...i hope she's having fun
with jordan, it sucks that we didn't go to my grandparent's
ranch this weekend like we had planned.
i really miss buddha and i hate it because i swore i
wouldn't ever feel anything for a guy and here i am,
thinking i might actually be falling for him!!!! it doesn't
seem right at all, why can't i be immune to the opposite
sex?! why?!why?!WHY?!?!?!?! it makes me feel all too weak
for my liking, it's like "am i really that pathetic? guys
lie just to get in your pants all the time, he's probably
full of shite and enjoying watching me believe him and so
pleased with himself" and i get all sulky and venomous in
an attempt to not care, but i know i do. i care too much,
im sure...uggggh...i really don't want to be considered
obsessive...it's that damn poem, i swear! if he hadn't
given it to me then i would have been able to pass it all
off as a minor crush and shrug my shoulders and walk off
like it's all so normal and average. i would have played it
cool and said, "let him throw his heart at my feet, it
won't be my fault if it's passed over, i never wanted it"
but now i have to bite my lip so i wont crumble into a big
pile of love-sickness. it's like that chocolate cake in the
fridge, i know i can't eat it because i want to loose
weight for prom and slim down and cake doesn't do that,
now, if leesa hadn't said "there's cake in the fridge if
you want it" i wouldn't even think of getting into it, i
wouldn't have to fight for my goal of staying away from all
that sugar.
banflakes says that i'm a good friend because i'm "nice
and listen to what people say...ussually...
fair....ummm fun to chill with lol....I donno just
". hahahaha! BULLSHITE! agh, well, to each their own
opinions, i'll be open-minded about his opinion. tonight i
should surpise leesa by writing her not only a poem, but
drawing her one of my faries, i promised i'd cook her
dinner when she came home, but i should really do more than
just what i say i'll do, effort is never wasted on a good
friend, especially my bestfriend.
could i ever use some of my grandma's reiki right now, i
slept funny on my neck and shoulders, sure i could reiki
myself, but that's just not the same, besides, she's way
better at it than me, when she comes down i'd like to go to
the calico cat tea house and get our tea leaves read, do
things together like we did last summer, we're not your
average teenage girl and her grandma, though that's
probably obvious enough without me even opening my mouth. i
miss how me and her would go looking for our spiritual
guides and animals. i remember how i cried last time
because it had been years since i had gone to find my
spiritual guides and the animal happened to be angel. she
wasn't like how i last saw her though, not like she was the
summer i was 15, she was young again, in the prime of her
life...it was so amazing so throw my arms around her neck
and rest my head on her smooth, shining black fur. to hear
her tail whisking flies and smell her familar hay breath
and the smell of sweat and dust from her body. to see her
run again and chase cattle with me and follow me, to feel
her nibble my hair again. it was too good, now im scared to
go see her again, what if her spirit doesn't want to see me
again? what if she's forgotten me? what if i go and she
doesn't come like before? i just can't you see? besides, i
wouldn't like coming back to reality again. anyways, i
think i'll go watch fight club, i've never really watched
the whole thing before and chris showed me how to work the
dvd player. later days!


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