Shellie Benellie

Me and My Life
2003-05-24 03:33:23 (UTC)

its always me!

wow I love it, it is always me. and I can def see this ...
(not). I don't understand how it is always me. And how I'm
the one who always gets mad and does this that and the
other thing!! I wish people could only understand why I can
get upset over "silly things". But there not silly to me
there wicked important. I feel like I'm being left out but
it seems that it is never the right time to tell the person
this and it just makes me more pissed off and then people
get mad at me!! No one seems to want to listen when I try
to explain my feelings about it and its def not like I'm
trying to hide them. For one I have been out in the open
with my feeling and there "wrong"!! And then I honestly
and serious would love to know what I do that annoys you so
that I don't piss you off. It will end up being that
everything I do is wrong butif some eles does that its
great and terriffic. I wish these people could see me for
the true me. The insure lonly and emotional person that I
am. I try so hard to hide this but I want the people Im
close to see this but they dont seem to care or they must
think I'm faking it or something. I really am starting to
think I should give up on people and I duno even know. And
I know she is going to read this and tell Melissa and then
it will be another whole big thing!! If I only knew how to
feel and this isnt jealous but it is ... ya know... it
feels like part of my inside were wripped out and stepped
on until you couldn't feel what you were stepping on
anymore! The only thing I can regret is that She thinks
she cant tell me things because I'll get mad!!! I won't
get mad unless you for gosh knows what reason are affraid
to tell me, cuz I will always be there for you no matter
what! The only thing I have to say about it is, its going
to get to the point where you dont tell me anything and you
need soemone and I won't be there and you will be alone!
Then know it seems like you don't even want to talk to me.
Like it is something that puts you out. I mean if thats how
you feel tell and I'll jsut leave you alone. Ihave only
been trying to tell you this for a long time~ And know it
seems like other people don't want or consider me her
freind anymore. God why do you make life so hard!!!?? This
doesn't seem like its making me feel to much better like I
was hoping it would! I have no clue. I can't wait to leave
this place and start again where no one know me and I can
hide all the pain form the past and start new and can
finally act like nothing bothers me again!! ****ALRIGHT
GET THIS LATEST NEWS: I am a jealous person!! I'm jealous
that Melissa and Amber know you better then I do. And that
your afraid to tell me about Larry!! God am I getting to
close? Am I becoming a pest that you don't want to hang out
with me any more!?? well I duno I guess you will have to
figue things out and then let me know becuase I can't make
the decisions for you!! I mean in the words of the
donkey ... "friends forgive eachother" ... and thats all I
can hope you will do for me! I dont want hanging out to be
planed around me either. If I get pissed let me get over
there and not worry if I get pissed because we both know
that the only way I'll get pissed is if I get ditched!!
Well there is so much more I want to say but I don't have
the energy to type it all so later for now!!!


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