No Excuses

Pillow Of Your Bones
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PropellerAds
2003-05-23 15:20:12 (UTC)

i dont get it. yea i know im a..

i dont get it.
yea i know im a fucking bitch...thanx for making it even
more clear to me.
i dont know what im doing anymore! i dont know y but i
thought that everything would be soo much better if i did
this. well i did it...now what?! now im so lonely. things
used to be sooo different. i mean, low self esteem has
always been a problem (despite what some ppl think about
me) but at least i used to ALWAYS have SOMEONE i could
call whenever i wanted to do something. now i have almost
noone. Laura...but she has Paul...and im not sure that
either of them really approve of what im
doing? :/ ...Angie lives soo far away now! ...Alan...but
he actually HAS a life...and a lotta friends (most of whom
dont even know i exist! lol) ...cheeky is like never
alowed out...and if i called or went over there and isabel
answered she would either hang up on me or slam the door
in my face (believe me...ive experienced that every time!)
umm...who else? thats about all my friends. so instead of
sitting here w.Dre every night completely bored outta my
mind and fighting im sitting here ALONE every night
completely bored outta my mind! grr!
i cant wait till i move but its gonna be sooo hard then
too! the only person imma know there is gonna be
laura...and if paul does move w.her i still wont have
anyone to go out with. Alan wont be up there for another
year. this sucks so bad.
why did i wake up today? i dont work. i would go back to
bed but i cant sleep...so UGH!
i really wanna go out! its summer! i wanna have fun!!! :(
oh! and saturday is gonna suck soooo bad! the suspicious
are having a show and i really wanna go but i dont have
ANYONE to go with! and then my mom tells me this
morning "linda wanted me to remind u about meg's party on
saturday!" i was like "i thought that was the saturday
after grad.!" "no...its this saturday" yay! (*note the
sarcasm*) Linda is my moms best friends for as long as i
can remember. i grew up with her 2 sons BK and Sean...BKs
g/f is Megan Cook...and she is having a grad. party at
lindas house that linda is FORCING me to go to. once
again...these are people that dont know (and prolly dont
care) that i even exist...for the past 4 years. and im
supposed to show up there...all by myself...and have fun?!
i really doubt that! lol
sorry to complain so much but...my good mood evaporated
yesterday while i was at work. and it doesnt help that
dres helping my dad do something today so he was just
here...its so freaking hard! what do i do?!

oh well...im just gonna go...lay down and read or
something...nothing else to do today. who knows? maybe ill
just go to the mall (alone...what a pathetic lil mall
rat)...i really wanna go to University but i dont feel
like driving all the way to tampa and wandering around
that mall alone. oh well. buhbye

-kerri :(-


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