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2003-05-22 20:56:29 (UTC)

So today I was listening to the..

So today I was listening to the CD at kept
making me want to cry.
1)Queens of the Stone age came on--go with the flow--and I
thought of Mike of course. Of how we used to drive around
at strange hours....I miss him.
I had lunch with Jason after I got off work, and he said he
couldn't listen to Queens of the Stone Age when we had
broken up because it reminded him of Mike..I thought that
was strange.

2)That CD also had Jack Johnson..and I thought of
Stephanie...about all she's going through with Dave---and
how I know how she feels...and how men always fuck me up.

3) had Zwan on it...---I'll tell you--Zwan comforts
me only because Billy Corgan's voice has comforted me since
I was like 9---and it's the only thing that I have that's
familiar anymore. It made me realize I miss me--I miss
everything I'll never be.

4)then there was Bob Marley---which reminded me of my Mom
when she loved me..and when I loved her..and when things
between us were...decent?...and it also reminded me of Bob
Marley fest...I used to look forward to that Festival like
it was a holiday--I remember when I used to go with my Mom
every year...and then Katy and Alex...and how they used to
be like family to me...and then the year I went with
Jason...and how he got his tattoo that day---and how we got
in a fight about the shirt I was wearing..and then how I
met Mike--Mike what happened?

5)and there was Coldplay-clocks-I really really loved that
song...and then I was driving with Mike on day in his
car..and he had it on...and he said it reminded him of his
exwife---that crushed me...I guess I never had him. I just
wish I had him in my life still--because we really did have
a great time together, and he was one of the best friend's
I ever had..but then I have to remind myself that if he
really cared about me then he'd want to talk to me....HE'D
MISS ME. Which I don't see going on. sigh...

I listened to Gish on the way home..and that made me cry. I
don't really know why-I guess it's just at this point in my
life I really do have nothing. Nothing familiar--I have no
security--I have myself and that's it.

It was nice eating lunch w/Jason. I'm glad he's happy, we
were just no good together, we completely grew apart. And
now it's nice because we can actually be in the same room
together-and appreciate each others company--instead of
biting each others head off. I hate burning bridges. I hate
when people leave.

there were more songs on the CD that gave me flashbacks and
what not..but I really don't remember the other
they weren't as important. right?....

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