BlueEyes

OneSubjectObsession
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2003-05-22 15:55:44 (UTC)

The Aftermath

Ouch! I've been really bitter these last couple of
entries which is too bad...lately we've been fine...we
were really good the whole trip which was nice. And God
it sucks that I can't have her. Like we'd be talking or
something and I just had this sudden urge to like possess
her...not really to say I "own" her but like to know that
in some ways I do...I don't know how to explain it. I
have no desire to command her or anything but to know that
I occupy her thoughts and time...and the way she smiles
will be only appreciated by me in that way and *shrugs*
I'm stopping before everyone stops reading this.
But on a good note, I told her and she still talks about
us going away to the mountains alone again like last year
and stuff so that's good...at least we can still be
friends.
And Z and me were talking and I was apologizing for being
a bitch and she's like "Oh SHE just said that we should
just let you do your own thing" and how I did it before in
Texas and that I just went off on my own and stuff...I
guess I like that because for one...as immature as this
sounds...it obviously bothered her or she took notice cuz
she remembered where it happened and everything. And the
fact that she feels close enough to me to tell Z what to
and what not to do..."oh she gets like that..." and then
to figure that the reason I was like that was "She just
needs her alone time..." Like I felt like she...I
dunno...thought about it...considered it...considered me
whatever...? And so also when I'm a little bitchy to her
other times...I think she notices...and tries to do
something about it. And Z was like "don't worry SHE isn't
mad...she just said that you need your space..." I'm like
*Damn it I'm in love with her..."...


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