blkdragon

grounded
2003-05-21 13:34:27 (UTC)

Pains and Fears

Didn't go to work, tried to call, got no voices in
response. Walking around the apartment aimlessly,
restlessly. Sad and lonely, angry with my son's red
attitude. Worried that I'm about to lose something special
and it makes me want to cry, it's raining outside. don't
want to open the mail and find more costs that aren't
being met. All is not well with the world and I'm feeling
selfishly impotent.
It's after 9 and I've got things that should be done, I'll
wait until 1. Feeling sorry for myself and the
tribulations that try me seem to be winning. Perhaps I'll
feel better after breakfast and a soak in the tub, we'll
see. I don't want to talk to anyone and yet I've left
doors open for everyone to enter, what's up with that, I
want someone to talk to me.
Can't give in to the tears, the gates will open and a
torrent will spill out and I'll shed for all the pains
I've felt, for all the hurt life's dealt me. The flood
won't stop and the release may ease my heart for the
moment and then the cycle begins anew. Pain's a great
teacher and I feel like a lousy student! Going to step out
into the world with a snarl and a growl, allow me to
handle the little bit of business I came to do, unhampered
and avoided; I'll return to my space and everyone will
remain safe.
Skated last night, got off, on occassion and left early.
Had to come home to my lazy offspring with the red
attitude, the one that can't see anything wrong with his
desires overriding his needs, can't see his emotions
clouding his logic; can't see his fall rising.
Been down this road far too many times not to know the
signs and they all point to ruin. In the meantime, I'll sit here
feeling sorry for myself, won't be long.




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